When And How To Wai Properly
Most of you who have been to Thailand or are planning trips to Thailand have heard about the Thai greeting called the “Wai”. In its most basic form the wai is a gesture of greeting, but did you know that it is used in Thai culture for much more than simply greeting others. In addition to greeting the wai is also used for the following reasons:
- Giving Thanks
- Good Bye
- Apologizing
- Praying to the Buddha
- Begging
The wai first appeared in Thai culture during the Sukhotai Period (13th century AD). It is a part of the unique Thai honorific system and is used to convey a variety of emotions and modes of deference including politeness, respect, honor, gratitude, apology and friendship. In order to wai correctly it is important that the person waiing do so with their whole heart. You should feel your wai and be sincere in paying your respects physically, mentally and spiritually.
In its most simple form the wai is performed by placing your palms together at chest level with your elbows close to your body and your fingers pressed together. You then bow your head over your hands. The hands are often raised during the wai as you bow your head, however there are rules regarding where the hands should be raised to. Generally the higher the hands are raised the more respect that is being shown. It is also important to note that the hands are not jerked upwards, but rather are raised in a fluid and graceful movement. The hands should also point slightly inwards towards the body, not outward as in Christian prayer.
There are a number of rules surrounding the use of the wai. These include when to wai and the type of wai to use for various people. What many foreigners don’t seem to realize is that it is not necessary to wai to everyone. That’s right, there’s no need to wai the 7-11 clerk after paying for your bottle of water. Typically there’s no need to wai any service type individual and this includes waiters/waitresses, shop clerks and anyone else you pay to perform a service. If you feel that you MUST wai these people only do so if they wai you first and then make your wai very generic i.e. palms to the chest and no bowing of your head.
While Thai’s can recognize and use a vast number of types of wai’s depending on social status, power, age, and prestige there are 3 major groups of higher prestige people in Thai society. Initiating a wai to each of these groups is different.
Royal Family/Monks
When waiing someone in this group you bow your head and raise your hands until the index fingers or thumbs touch the forehead.
Parents/Teachers/Older Family Members
When waiing someone in this group you bow your head and raise your hands until the index fingers touch the nose.
Older acquaintances/Superiors at work
When waiing someone in this group you bow your head and raise your hands until the index fingers touch the mouth.
In all three cases you want to keep the elbows tight against your body. When returning a wai you can typically use the stranger’s wai which is a slight lowering of your head until your fingertips touch the point of your chin. This is the wai used when you don’t know the social status or age of the person you are waiing and is generally accepted as a happy compromise. This is also the most useful wai for us farang as typically we won’t know the social status of the Thai person.
Etiquette and social status determines who initiates the wai. Younger people will wai older people first and those who are lower in social status wai those of higher status first. Because you are a farang and outside the Thai social hierarchy it makes it difficult for many Thai’s to know where to place you. In fact, it is only recently that a Thai person would even consider waiing a farang. This wasn’t meant as an insult, but rather a way to avoid embarrassment since there was usually no way for either Thai or farang to know the social status of the other and insult could be given if the wrong wai were offered.
In some cases (especially business situations) a Thai will offer a handshake to you instead of a wai. Simply returning the handshake is completely acceptable. If they do offer a wai the polite thing to do is to respond in kind. And don’t worry too much about getting the wai right. You’re not Thai and no one expects you to be able to wai properly. The fact that you attempted to wai back is enough to make the person who initiated the wai happy.
In many western cultures a nod of the head is often acceptable as a response to a greeting and it is important to note here that in Thai society a wai can be acknowledged by a nod of the head or an upraised right hand, BUT this is only done by monks or royalty. It is called Rap Wai or acknowledging a wai. If you respond to a wai in this way it may be perceived as if you are impersonating a monk or royalty and there is a slight chance that you will cause offense. At the least it can certainly be seen as amusing to the person you Rap Wai.
In fact, outside Bangkok and the other tourist areas of Thailand you will likely generate loads of goodwill along with some amusement and possibly even amazement if you are able to wai. I guarantee that you will get many genuine smiles of appreciation at this small act of politeness.
What do you think, is it necessary for us as foreigners to know how to wai properly when in Thailand or is it just a “Thai” thing?
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It took me dozens of long trips to Thailand to learn how to wai, and I still often get it wrong. For a while, I had a girlfriend who was a Thai professor, and she patiently assisted me in improving my wais. In about another ten years, I should have it mastered.
What is striking is that Thais, from the beginning, appreciated my attempts to wai. Sometimes it amused them, such as when I wai-ed shopkeepers or the doorman at a hotel, but mostly they saw it as a sign of respect for their culture. As I have become a little better, many Thais have either commented or silently shown their approval when I get it right.
Farangs who visit Thailand can have a difficult time learning the language (as I have). Learning to wai is easier, and is very much appreciated. What it shows is that you understand you are a guest in their country, and that you want to behave in a proper way. It is a great way to make Thais comfortable with you, even though you have many alien attributes that they have difficulty understanding.