Meeting and Dating Thai Girls
February 29, 2008
I get a lot of questions here via email about Thai girls and dating. What is the proper way to approach a Thai girl, how can I tell if she’s a “good” girl vs a bar girl, how to avoid internet scams and that sort of thing. Obviously it is a very important question for those who are interested in meeting and dating Thai girls and I answer each email personally, however I thought it might be time for another post about dating with girls from Thailand.
First off let me qualify by saying I am by no means an expert in dating, Thai’s or non-Thai’s. Yes I have my own personal experiences and I have done quite a bit of reading on other blogs, websites and in forums. I have talked about this in length many times with others on the internet, via email and in person when I’m in Thailand and while there are some constants there is also a large variation in the girls similar to what you would find anywhere. You can find value in what I have to say, but I would have to say that you should try to rely on yourself and the two most important things to remember are your manners and common sense.
Appearances are very important in Thailand and aside from your physical appearance, which should be neat and groomed, you’ll also want to consider your attitude and manners. Thai’s are very sensitive to body language and can tell immediately when you are being fake. This may be due to the fact that Thai’s are very non-confrontational (see my post Jai Yen or Cool Heart). They will almost never verbally disagree and I think over the centuries have come to a point where they are extremely attuned to nuances of posture and facial expression. Oftentimes people will say that Asian faces are non-expressive, but this is not true, Westerners just aren’t any good at deciphering the nuances because our culture is much more verbal in it’s communication style.
Assuming you are polite and well groomed you shouldn’t have much trouble meeting Thai girls initially. One thing that can trip up some guys is that in Thailand you will definitely need to be the pursuer. Thai girls in general will not initiate contact, however you can tell if they are interested most times simply by the sidelong glances or shy smiles that you get from them. If you’re out in a club it is very acceptable (and easy) to have a friend or even the waitress deliver a note to a girl you are interested in to get their mobile number. If you get the number you’re in and can feel confident in approaching them.
Once you’ve established a rapport with the girl go ahead and ask for a date, but don’t be surprised if they want to bring their friends. This is quite common in Thailand and it actually makes things easier sometimes because there can be more of a fun dynamic in groups. Depending on the girl it could take anywhere from 2 to several dates until you can get the girl alone.
For those of you who are not physically in Thailand don’t despair. The internet has made it possible to meet people from all around the world and as you may know it’s how Golf and I met. Several years ago I had a trip planned and wanted to have some contact before arriving so I signed up with ThaiLoveLinks. I had no intention of falling in love and getting married and yet that’s exactly what ended up happening. You never know where you’ll find the perfect girl and often it’s in the place you didn’t expect.
If you travel to Thailand on vacation for a few weeks it could be very hard for you to meet a good Thai girl, however if you take the time to get to know a girl first from the internet you’ll be in a much better position. This way she has had the chance to get to know more about you, hopefully you’ve also chatted with her on webcam and also on the phone and she’ll be able to trust you that much more quickly by knowing about you before you arrive in Thailand.
One final caution to you. If you do choose to meet Thai girls on the internet that’s fine, a lot of men are doing it. Once you find a girl you are interested in stop your communication with any other girls you might be emailing or talking with. Thai girls are a very jealous lot and if she thinks you’re talking with other girls nothing but trouble will come from it. One of the primary reasons Thai girls like foreigners is the fact that we are not as likely to cheat on them as our Thai counterparts. If she thinks you’re talking with other girls you lose that advantage and you may lose the girl as well.
This is not a comprehensive dating guide, but hopefully it has given you some insight. You may want to read other posts I’ve made like Why Do Thai Girls Marry Older Foreign Guys and Thai Womens Expectations in Farang/Thai Marriages to get additional insight.
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This is a very good little “mini-guide” and another thing I would add is this: don’t behave the way men do in the west toward women. IOW, don’t behave like a boor who discusses his physical desires before you even know her name. Save the locker room talk for your male buddies. Even they probably don’t want to hear it but at least you won’t alienate a woman immediately.
Now… equal time! You need to write a post for those of us women who prefer Thai men.
Very good point and I’ll say it now. Guys, don’t even think about bringing up sex until after several dates. And understand too that initially your girlfriend can be very shy until you get to know each other better in the bedroom. Thai girls can be very passionate, but not until after they know you quite well.
Now, since I don’t have the necessary background maybe you’d like to do a guest post on the attraction of Thai men for farang ladies Chani
It’s just my personal preference. I’ve always liked Asian men but lean more toward Thai men now that I am so emotionally attached to the country. I don’t know of any particular resources, except to go where there are Thai people. Obviously for those of us who are exiled in No-Thai-Land, it can be difficult.
Unfortunately, there is no industry established to set up farang women with Thai men.
You’re business-minded. Get busy, dude!
Thai girls are addicted to their phones, it is definitely a good move to ask for their number. Not wildly experienced, but I have asked 4/5 girls for their numbers and they always say yes. I was quite surprised that they were all the the ones that called me first…
Hmmm…not sure how much of a market there is for this, but believe it or not you’re not the first person to suggest it. Golf has some male friends back in Thailand who made the same suggestion. Seems they like foreign ladies
Yes, a Thai girl without a cell phone and multiple SIM cards is like a bird without feathers (penguins don’t count), very rare. I’m surprised too that all of them were the first to call. You must be very hansom man.
I think they just love the English accent.
Why the multiple SIMs? For playing all the men they have on the go?!?
Well, as they sang in Fiddler on the Roof, “matchmaker, matchmaker, find me a match.”
Over 50, pleasant personality, good character. Beyond that, all is negotiable.
Seriously. Someone needs to start a website or matching service for female —> male as well as male —> female.
I love the idea of passing a note to get a phone number. Also, I never knew about Thai’s being good at reading body language; very interesting. I now know that I should always be exuding good body language whenever I am around a Thai girl. Thanks for the advice.
Saku
http://www.lovehinagallery.com
i want to meet katoeys
how to go about it
@sakutheotaku - I think Thai’s are so good at reading body language because they do not verbally create conflict typically. So over the years they have become very sensitized to body language. If you watch a Thai girl that likes some guy you’ll see that they are VERY circumspect by western standards, however Thai’s can see it immediately.
@ Martin - Are you in Thailand currently? If so it should be very easy to meet kathoeys. Maybe you want to send me an email…steve at thailandmusings dot com
Good stuff…however, there’s plenty of information on the web already about how to get the Thai girls…for most of us, I don’t think that’s a problem at all. A lot of us would be more interested in learning how to get rid of them…(without losing a limb, being assassinated or running for your life) That would be an interesting read !
You’re right there is a mountain of information out there, some good and some bad…hopefully mine is good :>)
If you’re already in Thailand it’s not a problem, just fall down and there will be 6 Thai girls there to pick you up. However I think for those who are outside Thailand and/or new to the culture there is a lot to learn, not necessarily for getting a Thai girlfriend, but for keeping her and more importantly keeping her happy.
Learning how to get rid of your now unwanted Thai girlfriend is a great idea for a post. Look forward to seeing it here soon.
I have just met a thai girl who is on holiday here in England. We seem to get on very well her english is quite poor so her english speaking friend does help. We have been out clubbing and all gone for meals. which has been great fun. we cuddle and have had a few passionate kisses which i think was quite new to her. she is a thai muslim which i dont know if they different standards to other thai women. i am just looking for some advice as to try and keep things moving on so i can go and see her in bangkok. she holds my hand etc so i guess she likes me but you never can tell. i guess thai women are like to be upwrapped very very slowly and not like a 5 year old opening a pressie on xmas day. i gave her a head massager yesterday and she loved it………..
thai girles one of the best i saw in may life.