Good Thai Girls vs Bad Thai Girls - How Can I Tell if She’s a Bargirl?
January 5, 2008
To the best of my knowledge, my Thai girlfriend is employed in the finance/accounting area of a small 30-employee Bangkok business. I really have no reason to doubt her, and I naturally take her at her word. It has of course crossed my mind that bar-girls looking for a foreign marriage via an internet profile probably do not disclose their true occupational experience! I will not disrespect the world’s oldest and most pleasant profession, however I really don’t want to marry a former sex-worker. I enjoyed your tips about ladyboy detection, that was a real scream. Do you have any bar-girl detection techniques to share?
Answer: These are not entirely mine, I’ve gotten inspiration for some of them by reading and hearing other experiences. And by no means are these 100% spot on, just like everywhere in the world there are exceptions to rules, but they are good indicators, especially if your Thai girlfriend meets more than 2.
Keep in mind too that for many of the younger Thai urban girls these rules do not necessarily apply. Things are a bit different in Bangkok than they are out in rural Thailand or even in other Thai cities. The younger generation of Thai’s are moving away from traditional Thai values rapidly. What was true 5 or 10 years ago doesn’t necessarily apply any longer, especially when considering the university educated middle class or hi-so Thai’s.
Take these warnings as what they are, just warnings to keep your eyes open. Your Thai girl may be a good girl or she may be a bad girl, it’s often hard to tell these days as the lines have become a bit blurred.
- She is very familiar with one of the pay-for-play areas in Thailand. If she is able to give you an in depth tour of Patpong, Nana Plaza or Pattaya, especially the tourist bar scene then she most likely was or is a bargirl.
- She wears a lot of makeup. In Thailand the good girls don’t wear makeup very much. This too is changing, but even those that do wear make up wear very little, mostly just some cover-up to make them look whiter and MAYBE some blush. Heavy eyeliner or eyeshadow is definitely in the realm of bargirls. If your Thai girl is in the fashion industry this may differ, but in general Thai girls don’t wear much makeup.
- She isn’t shy about kissing, holding hands or touching in public. Good Thai girls do not kiss or touch in public. Again, this is slowly changing in Bangkok and if you’ve been together awhile she will be less reluctant, but the fact is that Thai’s do not generally show affection in public. If your Thai girlfriend regularly pats your ass in public she may have been a bargirl.
- She has had a baby, but the baby is not with her. A large percentage of girls that work in the pay-for-play industry have had children that they’ve left with their mothers, aunts or other relatives - so they can work unencumbered. This is generally more true for younger Thai girls. Older girls may have kids at home with mom because they were previously married and the Thai guy left them high and dry. This is a fairly common occurrence and one reason Thai women are starting to look to guys from the west for marriage. Western males are much more likely to stay in a monogamous relationship than Thai guys. Still, Thai women love their kids as much as anyone so if there are kids and they are not with the mom there is a reason and that reason might be because the mom is a bargirl.
- Your girl isn’t a virgin. This is a pretty good clue actually. In Thai society - a girl that is not a virgin gets no dowry and probably gets no decent husband either. A girl that loses her virginity had better marry the guy. If she does not - then she is spoiled goods and the Thai guys won’t marry her. They will almost NEVER marry a girl that has been married and has a child. They have a severe loss of face for this - to be raising someone else’s child. There are exceptions - but, I’d say this is a BIG CLUE.
- If all she seems to care about is money, especially your money, then she very well might be a bargirl. Good Thai girls will not talk about money, it’s not something they are typically obsessed with. The girls that are obsessed by it will do whatever they can to get more. How does your typical Thai with no university education or skills do to get more money? Even if they are not outright bargirls there are girls who will go out with guys to dinner or a movie, or maybe right back to their rooms simply to get an extra 1000 baht for a new cellphone or clothes or whatever it is she feels that she needs. As I’ve said before, a girl can live in Bangkok quite easily on 10,000 baht a month and many do. Those who aren’t happy living that lifestyle will do whatever they have to to get more money and often that includes the bargirl life.
- If she has friends in Pattaya, Patpong or Nana Plaza and she’s keeping in close contact with them - she is or was or may turn out to be a bargirl if the relationship with you doesn’t work.
- If she has tattoos then she may not necessarily be a bargirl, but she worked in the pay for play industry in some fashion. Maybe she was a masseuse or fishbowl girl, served drinks in a bar or even worked as a freelancer, but she was connected in some way with bargirls if she has a tattoo.
- If she has piercings beside her earrings - she was or is a bargirl. If she has her tongue pierced she was or is 100% without fail, a bargirl. If her nose or navel is pierced - not 100%, but north of 90% I’d say.
- If she goes to another place to talk on the cellphone then she is hiding something. You should be wondering what she has to hide from you. Most likely if she’s hiding something it is another man. Many of the bargirls in Thailand are married to a Thai guy or have many foreign boyfriends calling her. They get money from the boyfriends and they send their money to the Thai guys. It’s what they do for love!
- If her English is pretty good. Most Thai’s have bad English skills, even those who work in tourist areas or hotels. If your Thai girlfriend understands anything that has to do with money or a bar or restaurant situation she may be or was a bargirl. This is especially true if she makes jokes to you about “short time, love you long time, no money no honey…”. These are typical bar jokes and if she knows them she was very likely a bargirl in the past or present.
- She no longer takes care of you once you’re in a relationship with you. Bargirls will try very hard to hook you, but once you’re on the hook all she wants to do is watch TV, eat and gossip with her friends. She won’t want to cook, but will send out for food everyday. You would expect that she would view you as a godsend since you are making 5-10 times as much money as any Thai guy would and supporting her lavishly from a Thai standpoint. Instead she tries to minimize your impact on their lives. She will ask for more things all the time, going out to eat, better cell phone, bigger TV, cars, vacations, anything that others have that they want. They will never be satisfied with what they have and they will not give much back in the relationship. They are used to the bargirl lifestyle which is to sleep, eat, watch TV and make sure you can buy what everyone else have and then show off what you have.
- You’re married and she has a separate bank account. A bargirl will use this account for two purposes. First to transfer money out to a Thai boyfriend/husband and second to receive money from past customers. Some guys will continue to send money to bargirls for a very long time and of course the girls will continue to accept it as long as it’s being sent.
- If she is not reachable by phone sometimes - she is up to something. She may not be a bargirl, but something is seriously wrong with that picture. A cell phone is a Thai girls link to the world and everyone she knows and they can and will answer it even when riding 50 mph on the back of a motorcycle. If your Thai girlfriends frequently doesn’t answer her phone when you call there’s something going on she doesn’t want you to know about.
As I said, these aren’t hard and fast rules, but are more like warning signs. Keep your eyes open and use your common sense.
If you’re reading this and you’ve had some experience with Thai bargirls then maybe you can add some more to what I’ve written. Are there other warning signs I’ve missed? Leave a comment and let us know.
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OMG!!! Who have you been hanging out with that gave you this information? I’d hate to think that your well-intended advice may hurt peoples’ relationships unnecessarily. You may as well have said “if she’s dating a farang, then she’s a bargirl.” Can I set the record straight please?
If she has a piercing other than her ears: She may have been or may be a rebellious teenager. I know 2 girls with tongue piercings. One of them (she’s 16 and still in school)has wealthy parents and has never slept with a guy for money. The other has never slept with a guy period!
If she has tattoos: Basically the same as piercings, except that tattoos are even more normal and acceptable than unusually located piercings. Not to say that they aren’t a warning sign, but that’s about all they are.
She isn’t a virgin: Who is? You’ve seriously got to be kidding about this one. But if she doesn’t know the exact number of guys she’s been with the first time you ask her…
She has a kid who isn’t living with her: This is practically the norm. A huge portion of the population has been raised by their grandparents. More likely she either had the child when she was still very young and couldn’t handle parenthood on her own, or she’s moved to the city for a factory job to send her parents money to care for her children. I know countless women in this situation, although most of them are married and living with their Thai husbands.
If her English is good: Many people speak English well. If she speaks it fluently, confidently, and asserts herself well in English, but has poor grammar and cannot write it very well, however, then she’s probably a bargirl.
She wears too much makeup: What??? Most Thai women wear too much makeup. I know one girl who spends hours applying makeup. Not only is she not a bargirl, but she could have you beaten and then arrested for asking her “how much for long time?” before riding off in her Mercedes Benz. Not that she would - she’s a very nice girl - but she could. Heavy eyeliner is perfectly normal too. Heavy eyeshadow, however, I’m not so sure about.
She isn’t shy about public affection: Holding hands, especially in Bangkok, has become extremely common even for Thai couples. But not kissing.
The best way to tell whether your girl is a bargirl or not, if it isn’t completely obvious, would probably be to hire a private investigator, preferably one who’s a eunuch. Hope I could help.
Jon,
Thanks very much for your addition to my post. You’ve given some very good examples of when the warning signs may not apply, but I still stand by the warning signs as I’ve written them and I think your comments bear me out as well. You really need to take these warnings together with my first two paragraphs:
“Keep in mind too that for many of the younger Thai urban girls these rules do not necessarily apply. Things are a bit different in Bangkok than they are out in rural Thailand or even in other Thai cities. The younger generation of Thai’s are moving away from traditional Thai values rapidly. What was true 5 or 10 years ago doesn’t necessarily apply any longer, especially when considering the university educated middle class or hi-so Thai’s.
Take these warnings as what they are, just warnings to keep your eyes open. Your Thai girl may be a good girl or she may be a bad girl, it’s often hard to tell these days as the lines have become a bit blurred.”
I know that things are changing rapidly in Thailand and especially in Bangkok, however I think that for any girl that was raised in the provinces or is over the age of say 27-ish these warnings signs are very applicable. And I know that they don’t apply to younger urban Thai’s (I hope no farangs are trying to pick up that 16 year old) or to upper class Hi-So Thai’s (who are primarily Chinese-Thai anyway).
Maybe you’re right and the only way to be completely sure is to hire a private investigator (who is a eunuch - I love that!). Of course for me if there is so much doubt that I need to hire a private investigator I think I would just move on since relationships are all about trust and that type of thing shows no trust whatsoever.
Thanks again for the thought provoking comment. I could probably write another half dozen posts just from your one comment. Kudos!
How can you speak of good vs bad girl??? How come a prostitute would be a bad girl? Aren’t you aware that many of them did not choose their life? That many of them were lured into that life? That many of them are beaten and threatened? And you still think they are bad girls? Even though they did not choose to do what they are doing? And I would go further than that: why a prostitute would be a bad girl at all? Don’t many guys sleep with as many women as they can? Wouldn’t men do the job too if, first, women were good consumers of prostitution and, second, men would have less means than women to make money? Do you want a girlfriend or wife just as something of the model you’re looking for or are you looking for a sharing relationship with another person? I guess you’re of the former type, right?
In response to Val
I am a normal healthy man, with a wonderful appetite for sex, with someone I care for. Of course the basic instinct in a man is as much sex as possible, it is our job to breed. But, really “many guys sleep with as many women as they can?” I don’t, and many of my male friends are less “experienced” than their women partners. Maybe you aren’t meeting “real men”. Oh, and for the record, I couldn’t be a prostitute unless my life did depend on it, which is true for some of these women. One last thing, the men operating in the sex industry are Katoey (lady boys) but that is a whole new species.
I found your site searching for disc golf in thailand and found this article. go figure!
Anyway, just wanted to say hilarious! I love the “She no longer takes care of you once you’re in a relationship with you.” line…. Been there and hate that.
Apart from the tattoos (new generation all have tattoos), almost all is true.
The virgin bit istn’t though, as most Thai girls lose their virginity at 15 same as in the UK and then end up pregnant and no husband.The kid goes to mum and the girl escapes to bangkok annd has to send money to mum.
Although bar girls make a lot of money, most of them take alcohol or methamphetamine to be able to work, which ends with them addicted and spending most of the money on alcohol/drugs.
Even if they managed to save money, most of them couldn/t send more than 3000 baht or so a month home, as if they sent more their mum would know they are not in a normal job, and tell them to come back to the far.
There are exceptions (a lot) where mum knows what daughter is doing and phones all the time to ask for more and more money.
I have worked in the soi nana area for many years and had to have close contact with the bar Girls and whores, as i worked in a tattoo studio, where we gave 20 percent to ladies bringing their “Boyfriend” for a tattoo. I also translated their emails to their boyfriends into english for them (mostly asking for money - “my dad’s buffalo has died he needs a new one”).
I have had also “gig” who were working girls..i never paid them but had to wait for them to finish work first..they would go with the farang or their farang boyfriend and once got some money they would sneak back to me and buy me some beer.
I have been tricked and cheated on in the past by Thai girls, and i must say that from my observances i notice that even office girls will have secret boyfriends, they do this to make ends meet.My last girlfriend worked in a factory and had up to 25 hours a month overtime…when i asked to see her overtime slip it said 0 hours! In the end i found out that she had 7 other men which she would meet and go to a motel for sex.
She used me for the free rent and food and sex in the evenings, and the others for free nights out and sex.
This way she didnt have to spend a penny of her wages.
Most women in Thailand dont have much chance of a real marriage with a dowry as they were ruined at 15 most of them.
This leaves them with the option of leaving kids with mum and going to work.
I have many Thai men friends and dont know one of them who doesn’t have many “Gigs” (gf’s on the side). This is also a reason why Thai girls are unfaithful - they are used to being cheated on.
Also if you consider the fact that there are 4 women to every man in Thailand it has to be so that 2 or 3 of each are the mistress of another woman’s wife! if not they wouldnt be able to survive.
What is strange though, is the fact that you would think that Thai women would be desperate for a man, which they are not..they have plenty of men flirting every day..which proves the unfaithfulness of Thai men, they can manage to keep a 4-1 ration of women to men fulfilled.
Thai women i have found are not worth loving, they will let you down one day.All they are worth is to use and abuse as Thai men do.As i was still trying to be a “good man” the Thai girls just walked all over me.Since i started trying the bad boy technique (dont give em money, refuse their wishes, let em pay), i have had lots more success with thai women. Thai girls love problems, so all you have to do is make things a problem and they love it.
I have girls fone me after being with 3 farang and come and spend the money with me.
One of these (som) has a Farang Boyfriend from Australia who i sometimes have to drive her there to see him. he loves her and gives her what she wishes (mobile fone, money, etc), but she just laughs about him when she is with me and when we have no money she go0es to get some off him then comes back to me.
The same girl once came for 2 nights at my place and then asked me for taxi money to get home.I refused saying that she came on her own will so she can pay her own way home…she didn’t have a penny in her pocket, and she cried asking how she would get home.
I threw 5 baht at her and said “fone your mum and ask her if shell pay the taxi when you arrive there”.
She did and left the condo angry at me.
The next evening she foned and asked to come to me. i said “what you not angry with me?” she said, no i miss you.
If i had have given her the taxi money she would have put me in the same slot as the other stupid farang and walked all over me..i bet if i would have given her 200 baht she would have replied “what! thats all or what? and what about food money?”‘
This proves that they prefer to love a problem than an easy ride..
Nature is the same everywhere..the soft get eaten, the tough survive.
Love in Thailand is a Jungle with wild inhabitants….dont be toon tame or you shall get eaten.
Thai people do not have much in their minds except for money and selfish wants, so dont expect to be discovering the most subtle relationship of your life.
If you want a freebie all you have to do is hang around sukhumvit soy 3-7 about 4 o clock in the morning and for sure there will be someone ask to go with you. All you say is that you dont have money for them and they still come (why? because; they fought with their room-mate and dont want to go home, because the landlord locked the door of their room for not paying the rent, because their boyfriend is high and wants to kill her, no money to get home….etc etc).
Thai whores blow all their money as they get it..no matter how much, so they are always falling back into desperate situations (they pawn their mobile fones about 3 times a month).
They cant keep their own bank together so why should you think that they wont ruin your savings as well as their own money…
Financially, being with a Thai is like falling down the black hole of calcutta.
They are loike a bottomless barrel - no matter how much you throw in there it never gets full.
It doesnt matter how much money you have it will never be enough.
I once had a friend who sold his land for 10 million baht. he then lived in a ceement hut with no chairs no furniture. I thought he would build new house make a shop etc with the money he made.No…he bought some beac hside land and started constructing bungalows…halfway through the project he ran out of money..leaving a missing ten million baht to finish.
He has no more land to sell and the bungalows are now rotting.
He now still lives in that cement hut with no chairs as poor as he was before, (he never even bought a plastic chair or a tv with all those 10 million baht), and has a dead piece of land with rotting bungalows - his investment has failed.
This is typical Thai - dont let a thai drag your pocket into the black hole of calcutta.
women and men are the same.
Unfaithful, selfish, money-mad, crazy about expensive stuff (nokia, bmw, louis vuitton) and also dangerous (thai news every day has endless tales of wives/husbands murdering each other because of “Gig” [secret lover] )
Best thing to do in Thailand? keep company with expats, and try never to let a Thai know where you live (never invite him/her in your house as that will end in him coming back to ask you for things all the time).
Thais like to ask personal questions…dont answer as you will notice they will lie to you if you ask THEM the same type of questions.(where is your hometown, what is your real name etc).
I have never understood why Thais ask questions they won’t like to answer themselves.
But thats what they are like.
As to the gentleman who wrote in with his suspiscions and questions about his GF.
Even if she is a real office worker..if yopu aren’t living with her then for sure she is meeting other men and probably sleeping with the odd thai man.
Thai girls dont like farang really (they like our money), but they don;t trust Thai men…they like Thai men (their “thing ” might be smaller but it is reputed to be very hard..whereas we farang are reputed to have softer erections).
So what they do is to use a farang for the money, and have a secret Thai man for satisfaction and company (how can a thai girl have intimacy and fun with you if you cant even communicate fluently in the same language???what fun is that??? of course they are bored when a farang makes them go eat in pizza hut and sit by their side with all their other farang mates in the tourist bar (they are bored off their …) dont’ you think that they would rather be having fun doing all the things that thai people do to have fun?? (go play cards with other women, go to a puea cheewit music bar&restaurant and sing thai songs karaoke (dont think you can take them to do this..as one thing is to arrrive there with a handsome thai guy who can sing well and another is to arraive with a beady pig-eyed frizzy blonde haired farang so all the others can stare at you whilst they laugh at her for having a muppet for a boyfriend. Plus imagine how embarassing it would be if you sing! lets try to make the situation understandable from the Thai perspective - reverse the situation.
Imagine if you took a hilltribe woman to a dinner party where all your aqcuaintances were and she was dressed in her traditional clothes and ate with her hands. Embarrassed?
Well maybe you dont think we are embarrassing, but to thais we are.
Thais are a xenophobic society. I have travelled 26 countries and lived invarious.As a result i have become accustomed to the faces of other races and have no xenophobia when it comes to sitting next to a chinaman, negro or caucasian on the bus.
But i do remember as i was a kid in my village seeeing a chinese woman on a bus and remaining standing because i didn’t want the embarrassment of sitting next to her….this is the basic Thai mentality.
When i sit on a bus in BKK , sometimes the bus is full and people are standing but my bemch still is empty in the place next to me.
It is like a game i play when i get on the bus; i watch the faces of the Thais who getb on, look for a seat, see my empty place, and then step back in shock/embarrassment/disgust when they see a farang sitting there. Most choose to stand.
I must add that i wear clean clothes dress smart and dont have any visible marks that may cause people to be repelled. If it is a woman it is more understandable..she is worried that others will think she is with me (and therefore a “rented wife/whore”).
You must realize that Thai society will immediately assume that the woman with a farang is a whore or bar gorl.
So who would like to go to the korean barbeque with a farang so everybody thinks you are a whore?
No one of course…except a whore.
a bit generic, but alot of those things do seem to be basically true.. the comment about most thai english is bad and if she knows english she learned it in a bar is very insulting though, there are english schools, english programmes, etc..
@ Sam - WOW! That is a great comment and so much great information. Thanks for taking the time to share with us your experiences. I’d love to hear more as I’m sure in 20 years of working near Nana you’ve got hundreds if not thousands of stories. Contact me if you’re interested in sharing some of your other stories here.
@ Chanida - Yes, it’s true that there are many English schools and programmes in Thailand, however I think that many (most?) of the people who take classes there do not have the necessary discipline to ever achieve a level of fluency in English. Part of this is simply because languages are very difficult for most people and part is because English is so different from Thai and I am also sure part is because the Thai’s have got to learn English from Americans, Brits, Aussies and any number of other native speakers. The accents and colloquialisms of each are so different as to make it impossible to get a solid grasp on the language (Golf agrees very much with this - in fact she finds it very difficult to understand English from countries other than America).
Use Thailand for the fun and sun. The rest is a waste of time and they are the most racist people on Earth. Corrupt and like small children. Its great for good sex and to buy pirate DVD’s. But there are nicer places to visit . Filipinas are the ones to marry. Thai women will treat you like shit on their shoes.
Maybe after all those years in Thailand you have lost the plot Sam.Obviously you have not been working or living in an area where most of your Thai “friends” are from the more elevated social classes.You hang with street people struggling for a life, so your standards are down with theirs.These are people like yu in every society, you chose that life and that is where western low lifes go. They go to bars and pimps and get in with poor struggling Thais desperate to survive, then you have the audacity to call them scum.You are the scum buddy.
I have friends married to beautiful, educated Thai women who dont have Tatts, funny bits of metal in their tongues or fingers constantly in hubbys wallet.
Too bad you will never meet or understand those type of people.
Message to the Agency.Thiais are not the most racsist people on earth, people like you are.Thailand is an insular society.They have every right to be having never been defeated in a war by any other Asian country, they have a proud tradition.
There is no “most racist people” on earth, only individuals, and gangs like Nazi’s, Zionists, Wahabbis and fundamentalist christians.
If you marry poorly, that is beacuse you wanted a little asian wifey, to clean shit of your shoes.I suggest meeting some one and falling in love, then maybe you will have less of a problem.
Get a copy of Speakeasy-Thai it will give you some correct insight into Thai life and relationships as well as good starter phrases. http://www.speakeasy-thai.com
ATTENTION FELLOW FARANGS!!!.. I am in desparate need of a small favor from all of you who can help me with some research that is growing in importance to me more & more each day… I met my Thai GF last march on a reputable website & I am supposed to fly out to see her for the first time this November… Recently I have been experiencing my share of mounting suspisions so as you can probably see, the clocks ticking!!..haha..
If anybody out there knows of ANY singles websites that you’ve been to in hopes of meeting Thai Girls, I would greatly appreciate your sending these sites to me.. My Thai GF is what I would classify as “Posh” so she won’t be interested in joining any sites that are overly smutty..{e.g. Friend Finder, etc..}
Recently, my thai gf just out of the blue decided to delete her profile where we initially met so I did too… At first, I thought it to be a sweet gesture as if to tell me that her search was over but at the same time I my instincts began to tell me that I’d better do a follow up & make damn sure that she’s not trying to get me comfortable enough so she could start a new base camp to search for men elsewhere so I wouldn’t catch her.. There’s something we all must remember about meeting women online, especially Thai Women, & that is that Women living over seas definately know that they have the ability & freedom to conduct a sick minded “process of elimination” & have any amount of men come to meet them at different times & still convince each one that they are the one & only… With THAT scary thought in your minds you must also remember that MOST Thai women see nothing wrong with “upgrading” unless they catch you doing it to them!.. Now I don’t know about any of you guys out there but I personally work too damn hard for my money to go spending a good sum of it going to all the troubles & headaches of foreign travel to visit my “true love” only to find out a few months later after I have returned home with all these grand plans of marriage & happy ever after crap to recieve an email telling me, “sorry my love, but I think I’m going to pick Bachoelor #5″!!!… You all should keep this possibility in mind fellas because I am certain that they sure as hell are!!..haha..
Anyways, I would greatly appreciate ANY site suggestions that you have whether it be “singles sites” or your average online personals type sites I am ready to research them all if that’s what it takes because whether my Thai gf is on the level or runnin’ with the devil, it makes me no difference.. I just don’t want to have to fly half way across the world to find out what I could have caught early by just spending a few evenings & a couple pots of coffee playin’ with the laptop!..
Thanx for reading this & 1000 Thanx to ANYONE who can send me sites!!
I like what Simon said!
There’re bad girls in every country not just in Thailand. Some countries are even worse!
To The Agency …
From what I read your comment, I can tell what kind of person you are. No wonder why thai women would treat you like shit!