Today’s post is a guest post by James Turner, a former Thailand expat who has gone on to write a book regarding his time in Thailand called “Beyond The Comfort Zone”. The book is a captivating glimpse into the darker side of Thailand and I found it to be well written, captivating and exciting. I don’t want to spoil it by telling you too much about the story and you can read some excerpts if you visit Jim’s website.

I will be bringing you more about Jim in the form of an interview early next week, but he was kind enough to write a short post about his own observations of Thai culture, developed during his 3 years living in the Kingdom, as an introduction. So, without further ado here you go.

Hi Steve thanks for the chance to talk about my experiences living in Thailand.

I’d actually been coming to Thailand as a tourist since probably the late 80′s early 90′s. When I eventually decided to move away from the UK (2002) it seemed only natural to head to Thailand as my next home.

I think I probably made the same erroneous judgment call that many people make when they move to another country, in that I assumed I ‘knew’ the country because I had made several trips here for a month or more as a tourist. Well, let’s just say that presumption on my part was quickly squashed!

Some of the challenges we have all faced as expats in Thailand are fairly obvious. The language, lack of friend’s, infrastructure and so on. Others however are much more subtle in their manifestation. The cultural differences between, not just Thais, but all nations in Asia and our western cultural upbringing are enormous. The whole experience can be hugely frustrating. The loss of face issue can be maddening at first – until you realize it actually cuts both ways. Nobody wants you to lose face either and they will bend over backwards for you to ensure that does not happen.

In my experience you have to accept that you are in someone else’s country and it is not for us to judge whether we would do things differently, thus that the Thai way of doing things is wrong. On the contrary, I find the Thai way of approaching interpersonal relationships to be far preferable to the way we do things in the west. I think there is much more respect in Asian cultures for one another and that is very evident in Thailand. At least that has been my experience. Trying to impose your own culturally pre-programmed moral compass onto the Thai landscape will only result in friction and unhappiness. We are never in our lifetime going to change the thinking of a nation – best just to focus on the positives…and smile of course!

I think the singular most important thing to do upon arrival in Thailand is to start learning the language and persist at it. Unless one does that, one is never going to fully enjoy living in the kingdom. Personally I think it’s great fun and definitely makes for a much more rewarding time in the LOS. By the way, I notice you also try and expand your reader’s Thai vocab on your site which is a great idea.

Moving to a new culture is a challenge wherever you end up in the world and Thailand is no different. On the whole though, I have found the Thais to be warm, friendly and accommodating to those who are willing to develop a genuine interest in their culture. I know it is still my favorite place in the world and although I am not currently resident, still consider Thailand to be my home.

Prepare to have your compass moved and your preconceptions shattered. Now, repeat after me. Relax, smile, breath, be patient…….and repeat..Relax….

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Most of you who have been to Thailand or are planning trips to Thailand have heard about the Thai greeting called the “Wai”. In its most basic form the wai is a gesture of greeting, but did you know that it is used in Thai culture for much more than simply greeting others. In addition to greeting the wai is also used for the following reasons:

• Giving Thanks
• Good Bye
• Apologizing
• Praying to the Buddha
• Begging

The wai first appeared in Thai culture during the Sukhotai Period (13th century AD). It is a part of the unique Thai honorific system and is used to convey a variety of emotions and modes of deference including politeness, respect, honor, gratitude, apology and friendship. In order to wai correctly it is important that the person waiing do so with their whole heart. You should feel your wai and be sincere in paying your respects physically, mentally and spiritually.

In its most simple form the wai is performed by placing your palms together at chest level with your elbows close to your body and your fingers pressed together. You then bow your head over your hands. The hands are often raised during the wai as you bow your head, however there are rules regarding where the hands should be raised to. Generally the higher the hands are raised the more respect that is being shown. It is also important to note that the hands are not jerked upwards, but rather are raised in a fluid and graceful movement. The hands should also point slightly inwards towards the body, not outward as in Christian prayer.

There are a number of rules surrounding the use of the wai. These include when to wai and the type of wai to use for various people. What many foreigners don’t seem to realize is that it is not necessary to wai to everyone. That’s right, there’s no need to wai the 7-11 clerk after paying for your bottle of water. Typically there’s no need to wai any service type individual and this includes waiters/waitresses, shop clerks and anyone else you pay to perform a service. If you feel that you MUST wai these people only do so if they wai you first and then make your wai very generic i.e. palms to the chest and no bowing of your head.

While Thai’s can recognize and use a vast number of types of wai’s depending on social status, power, age, and prestige there are 3 major groups of higher prestige people in Thai society. Initiating a wai to each of these groups is different.

Royal Family/Monks
When waiing someone in this group you bow your head and raise your hands until the index fingers or thumbs touch the forehead.

Parents/Teachers/Older Family Members
When waiing someone in this group you bow your head and raise your hands until the index fingers touch the nose.

Older acquaintances/Superiors at work
When waiing someone in this group you bow your head and raise your hands until the index fingers touch the mouth.

In all three cases you want to keep the elbows tight against your body. When returning a wai you can typically use the stranger’s wai which is a slight lowering of your head until your fingertips touch the point of your chin. This is the wai used when you don’t know the social status or age of the person you are waiing and is generally accepted as a happy compromise. This is also the most useful wai for us farang as typically we won’t know the social status of the Thai person.

Etiquette and social status determines who initiates the wai. Younger people will wai older people first and those who are lower in social status wai those of higher status first. Because you are a farang and outside the Thai social hierarchy it makes it difficult for many Thai’s to know where to place you. In fact, it is only recently that a Thai person would even consider waiing a farang. This wasn’t meant as an insult, but rather a way to avoid embarrassment since there was usually no way for either Thai or farang to know the social status of the other and insult could be given if the wrong wai were offered.

In some cases (especially business situations) a Thai will offer a handshake to you instead of a wai. Simply returning the handshake is completely acceptable. If they do offer a wai the polite thing to do is to respond in kind. And don’t worry too much about getting the wai right. You’re not Thai and no one expects you to be able to wai properly. The fact that you attempted to wai back is enough to make the person who initiated the wai happy.

In many western cultures a nod of the head is often acceptable as a response to a greeting and it is important to note here that in Thai society a wai can be acknowledged by a nod of the head or an upraised right hand, BUT this is only done by monks or royalty. It is called Rap Wai or acknowledging a wai. If you respond to a wai in this way it may be perceived as if you are impersonating a monk or royalty and there is a slight chance that you will cause offense. At the least it can certainly be seen as amusing to the person you Rap Wai.

In fact, outside Bangkok and the other tourist areas of Thailand you will likely generate loads of goodwill along with some amusement and possibly even amazement if you are able to wai. I guarantee that you will get many genuine smiles of appreciation at this small act of politeness.

What do you think, is it necessary for us as foreigners to know how to wai properly when in Thailand or is it just a “Thai” thing?

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Thailand is most affectionately known by many as The Land of Smiles and for good reason. It seems as if no matter where you go and who you talk to you get smiles a plenty from the local Thai’s. While this makes some people think that Thai people are just happy the truth is that Thai’s often smile for very different reasons.

A smile MAY convey happiness, but it may also signify something completely different. Understanding the different reasons for Thai smiles can sometimes help you transverse this strange, unique and compelling culture.

If you’ve spent a good bit of time in Thailand or living around Thai’s you can usually see the difference in Thai smiles quite easily and will know that just because the Thai is smiling it does not mean that he or she is happy. While Thai’s do smile when they are happy, they also smile when they are feeling a variety of negative emotions such as embarrassment, regret, confusion and even anger.

Obviously this can create some confusion in the mind of the Westerner who is used to seeing smiles indicate only happiness. Understanding that Thai’s place a high value on avoiding conflict and maintaining social harmony and you’ll begin to understand the reason why Thai’s smile even in (what Westerners perceive as) negative situations.

There are quite a few common reasons people smile in Thailand even when they are not happy. These include the following:

The “I’m sorry for the mistake” smile – This is commonly seen in restaurants or the like where a frustrated tourist may complain about the order only to get a smile in return from the server. Often this will make the customer more frustrated and angry as their perception is the server finds their frustration funny when really the Thai person has intended to apologize with their smile.

The “I don’t understand what the heck you’re talking about” smile – Another very common misperceived smile in restaurants and shops around Thailand. While many Thai’s speak English their command of the language varies greatly and this is compounded by the range of English accents and the speed at which many native English speakers speak.

The “I don’t know what to say” smile – Related to the “I don’t understand what the heck you’re talking about” smile, sometimes the Thai may not have the words in English to respond to your request. Or in some cases cultural inhibitions restrict them from having an answer that will satisfy their own mores and the foreigner’s expectations.

The “Whatever you say” smile – This really shouldn’t be that difficult to see as I feel that we have the same type of smile in Western culture. Usually it occurs when there is a difference of opinion that you are unable or unwilling to argue about. In the case of the Thai it is usually because they want to avoid conflict and will smile and do what you ask, even if they feel it is the wrong course of action for the situation.

The “I’m so embarrassed I want to disappear” smile – This smile will often appear as the result of a foreigners insulting tirade following the “I’m sorry for the mistake” smile. Of course it only serves to further enrage the foreigner and if they somehow don’t realize what is happening and calm down can be followed by the…

The “I’m so mad I can break your neck” smile – This can be a very dangerous smile and you should take the time to understand when it is happening. Thai’s do have great self control, however even non-confrontational people can be pushed too far. If you are receiving this smile the best course of action is to leave and rapidly. When Thai’s finally break they can go into an uncontrollable rage and to compound matters every Thai within hearing distance will come to help their fellow country man or woman.

Thailand is a popular destination for many travelers looking for adventure, cultural exploration, great natural wonders, partying, great food and shopping. The combination of all these attributes along with reasonable prices, warm weather year round and friendly Thai people makes it understandable why many people come to Thailand and fall in love with the country.

By understanding a little bit of the Thai culture before coming to Thailand you will enjoy your visit much more and could very likely end up being like many other past visitors to Thailand – returning frequently or even moving to The Land of Smiles.

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One very noticeable facet of Thai society is the uniforms worn by every Thai student, both girls and boys, from the youngest right through university students. Of course for us guys the Thai schoolgirl uniforms can be seen as very attractive, however it seems as if old school Thai elders don’t agree. The following article was run yesterday in The Nation, Thailand’s largest business daily newspaper.

BANGKOK: — Chulalongkorn University (CU) is campaigning for students to comply with its dress code, while Thammasat University (TU) wants to the government to launch a “Social Cabinet” to tackle the issue of students wearing uniforms inappropriately.

At the project launch yesterday, CU rector Pirom Kamolratanakul said wearing a Chula student uniform, the only one to be granted by the monarchy, is a privilege.

TU deputy rector for student affairs Parinya Thewana-ruemitkul said the president for Network of Deputy Rectors for Student Affairs supervised the student uniform code at each university. He added that Thammasat was less strict about the uniform than some other universities, but insisted students wear “appropriate clothes” to classes.

Celebrities’ influence

Blaming the influence of fashions worn by movie and TV stars, he urged that a Social Cabinet comprising the efforts of several ministries should be set up to help universities solve the problem. The Culture Ministry could ask celebrities to wear clothes appropriate to the time of day and occasion as well as promote good values, he added.

Deputy Education Minister Chaiwuti Bannawat agreed that students need good discipline and praised universities’ successful efforts in improving the standard of their students’ dress.

– The Nation 2009-08-19

Ban Short Skirts?

Thai culture is grounded in conformity and part of that is the Thai school uniforms. No student should stand out from any other student. Do you think it is sufficient to simply monitor the student uniform code to maintain what is considered “appropriate” dress, or should the Thai school uniforms be scrapped altogether? In the 21st century is this type of standard a help or a hindrance to Thai society? Or maybe you think it makes no difference whatsoever to the actual education of the students. And what about enlisting the aid of celebrities, do you think this will help? Personally I think that oftentimes the celebrities dress may be determined by their PR people. In most cases celebrities are simply giving the people what they want to see.

Sound off below and let me know what you think about the standard Thai school dress code and the direction it seems to be taking.

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In my last post I wrote that I think that Thai girls look so sexy when they wai, but many of you might ask what is a wai?

The wai (pronounced ‘why’) is the traditional Thai greeting. It is done by pressing your hands together in front of your chest or face and bowing slightly. The wai came to Thailand via the Hindu culture of India and is still widely practiced in Thailand today as both a greeting and a sign of respect.

In Thailand there are very strict rules of hierarchy governing the wai, who does the wai’ing and where to position your hands when you wai. To most foreigners there is little noticable difference, but if you train yourself you can see how Thai’s will wai differently to different people. In general here are the rules for wai’ing:

• Inferiors wai superiors first.
• Younger people wai older people first.
• The higher your hands are placed the more respect you are giving the person you are wai’ing. In general the heels of your hands will be about heart level. If you are meeting an important person or an elder your hands would be placed higher and for monks the heels of your hands should be in front of your lips or even as high as your nose.
• Do NOT wai street people or service people (ie the girl at the 7-11, hotel staff, bargirls).

As a foreigner you are not expected to know the rules for wai’ing and most business people will shake your hand. However, if someone wai’s you it is polite to wai back and you’ll want to know how to do so properly so you don’t look silly.

Thai’s will also wai when passing temples and spirit houses, even if they are driving! Many times I have been in the car when we pass a temple and see my father-in-law take his hands off the wheel to wai the temple no matter what the road conditions are. Just take it in stride and realize this is a sign of respect and very important to the Thai people.

I really love the wai. I think if westerners put more emphasis on the respect due to others we might have less problems. Plus like I said it looks really great when the girls do it. Maybe it is just the submissive look of the wai. I’m not sure, but I think it looks great. I’m often sorry to be here in the States because I don’t get the chance to see Golf wai at all.

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