I first went to Thailand in 1997 and immediately fell in love with the country. Thailand at that time to me was mysterious and exotic, full of potentials and pitfalls.
Fast forward to 2010 and here I am after 13 years and many trips to the LOS sharing, with the help of my 
Jai Yen or Cool Heart
Jai yen literally means ‘cool heart‘. In a country that’s 95% Theravada Buddhist, jai yen is the preferred approach to any situation. If a cop pulls you over and sticks you for a bribe, jai yen dictates that you pay it to avoid an unpleasant scene. If someone cuts you off in traffic, you shrug your shoulders and suppress your natural urge to run the guy into a ditch. Jai yen. For Buddhists, an emotionally moderate, non-confrontational approach to life will bring its reward when you are reborn. Practice jai yen, and you may come back as a demi-god; get a little hot under the collar and you may find your new, single-celled self bobbing on the surface of a sewage treatment plant in Bang Saphan.
One of the defining qualities of Thai people is the fact that they rarely show strong emotion in public. You’ll find that it takes quite a lot to make a Thai lose his/her temper and if they do it is a very serious matter. If you’ve done something to make a Thai person lose their temper with you I suggest you immediately attempt to either diffuse the situation or remove yourself from the situation.
As westerners in Thailand we should strive to make ourselves jai yen at all times and never show a loss of temper in public. To a Thai losing your temper, or rather outwardly showing any display of anger, is considered crude and extremely bad manners. I can personally attest that some of the worst arguments Golf and I have had were not for things considered typical in the west, but rather came from situations where I lost my temper in public. By not remaining jai yen I caused myself loss of face and by extension she experienced loss of face as well.
This frame of mind is sometimes difficult for westerners because open displays of anger are viewed very differently in the west. Open confrontation is not only accepted, but can be considered desirable in some situations. In the west people who conceal their emotions are often considered underhanded or somehow not to be trusted. We base our readings of people on how they react in various situations. A cold and detached demeanor gives us nothing to “read” a person by and thus leads to a perception that the person has something to hide, distrust and a tendency to avoid that person.
As an example, the typical response of a westerner to poor service or poor performance would be to confront the offending person and look for some type of correction. The feeling would be that not only will we have the situation corrected for ourselves, but would hopefully prevent future occurrences of the same problem. Not so for a Thai person in the same situation. The likely Thai response to any mistake or perceived problem is not a confrontation, but rather to display jai yen and shrug off the problem or annoyance. A common response to problems in Thailand is mai bpen rai which literally means “not-exist-anything” or never mind, it doesn’t matter. This avoids any need to display anger or confrontation and maintains face for all involved.
So, when in Thailand do as the Thai’s and jai yen yen, calm down please. Take it easy and don’t let things that are beyond your control get you upset. You’ll be viewed in a much more positive light by the Thai’s and I’ll bet you’ll be happier too. After just a short time you’ll find that it is much less stressful to let things slide a bit and relax over the little things in your life. Rod tid mak (traffic very bad)…mai bpen rai. Appointment/meeting/dinner/train late….mai bpen rai. Focus on the things you have control over and let the rest take care of itself. You’ll be much more relaxed and happy in the long run.
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Hi Steve, Great post. There is another saying that sort of goes along with this one – your wife would know and it’s not coming to mind right now… man.. .uhm, hmm, thereis Jai dee – good heart or good hearted, kind and with good intentions… but there is another one… bummer, can’t get it out of my mouth. ahhh, greng jai – not sure exactly how to spell it as I’ve never used it. Not sure of the meaning either – but I think it means that someone that keeps the flow of things going and gives in so that the flow of social interaction can continue without problem or interruption… something like that. LOL. I know, could I be any more vague? Apparently not. Sorry for posting. Ha! Great blog Steve, keep writing man. When you coming to Thailand next? Vern
Whoa, apparently I’m way off… I just did a quick google search for greng jai. It seems that it’s more like when Thais think they need to take care of you – like you are their responsibility and, as a foreigner you’re supposed to give in and let them most times, not directly refuse. Hmm. Ok. What is it then when someone acquiesces in order to keep the flow going? What is that phrase… where someone will give up their own wantes or needs so that the flow of interaction between people can keep going forward and nobody is hurt… mai pen rai huh? but, isn’t there something else? thinking too much, brain fried. Vern
Just back yesterday from a wonderful 2 weeks there…jetlag sucks man. And 2 weeks was not nearly enough. No idea when we will be back, but in talking with the wife it seems it won’t be until 2009 unless something breaks on the website scene and I start making enough money to quit my job, hahaha. She wants to see the rest of the world before going back to Thailand again so now we are looking at trips to Mexico, the Caribbean, Peru, Belize and various U.S. destinations. So, my best guess for returning to Thailand is Songkran 2009. I will be continuing to study the country and culture and post regularly though. And Golf is planning on doing some more things with the recipes that should really boost traffic to the site. Combine that with my newest projects and it could be sooner than that or that could be the final permanent return (fingers crossed).
Now you’ve got my brain burning too. I know I’ve come across the phrase you’re talking about, but can’t bring it to mind now either. Of course mai bpen rai fits, but I know there’s another phrase…yaa kit mak? Gonna ask Golf when I get home from work and let’s see.
Oh and I know all about greng jai…just spent 4 days at the in-laws practicing my greng jai :>)
In many ways I think Jai Yen could be beneficial in other countries to help people relax and not take thing so seriously.