I first went to Thailand in 1997 and immediately fell in love with the country. Thailand at that time to me was mysterious and exotic, full of potentials and pitfalls.
Fast forward to 2010 and here I am after 13 years and many trips to the LOS sharing, with the help of my 
Good Thai Girls vs Bad Thai Girls – How Can I Tell if She’s a Bargirl?
To the best of my knowledge, my Thai girlfriend is employed in the finance/accounting area of a small 30-employee Bangkok business. I really have no reason to doubt her, and I naturally take her at her word. It has of course crossed my mind that bar-girls looking for a foreign marriage via an internet profile probably do not disclose their true occupational experience! I will not disrespect the world’s oldest and most pleasant profession, however I really don’t want to marry a former sex-worker. I enjoyed your tips about ladyboy detection, that was a real scream. Do you have any bar-girl detection techniques to share?
Answer: These are not entirely mine, I’ve gotten inspiration for some of them by reading and hearing other experiences. And by no means are these 100% spot on, just like everywhere in the world there are exceptions to rules, but they are good indicators, especially if your Thai girlfriend meets more than 2.
Keep in mind too that for many of the younger Thai urban girls these rules do not necessarily apply. Things are a bit different in Bangkok than they are out in rural Thailand or even in other Thai cities. The younger generation of Thai’s are moving away from traditional Thai values rapidly. What was true 5 or 10 years ago doesn’t necessarily apply any longer, especially when considering the university educated middle class or hi-so Thai’s.
Take these warnings as what they are, just warnings to keep your eyes open. Your Thai girl may be a good girl or she may be a bad girl, it’s often hard to tell these days as the lines have become a bit blurred.
- She is very familiar with one of the pay-for-play areas in Thailand. If she is able to give you an in depth tour of Patpong, Nana Plaza or Pattaya, especially the tourist bar scene then she most likely was or is a bargirl.
- She wears a lot of makeup. In Thailand the good girls don’t wear makeup very much. This too is changing, but even those that do wear make up wear very little, mostly just some cover-up to make them look whiter and MAYBE some blush. Heavy eyeliner or eyeshadow is definitely in the realm of bargirls. If your Thai girl is in the fashion industry this may differ, but in general Thai girls don’t wear much makeup.
- She isn’t shy about kissing, holding hands or touching in public. Good Thai girls do not kiss or touch in public. Again, this is slowly changing in Bangkok and if you’ve been together awhile she will be less reluctant, but the fact is that Thai’s do not generally show affection in public. If your Thai girlfriend regularly pats your ass in public she may have been a bargirl.
- She has had a baby, but the baby is not with her. A large percentage of girls that work in the pay-for-play industry have had children that they’ve left with their mothers, aunts or other relatives – so they can work unencumbered. This is generally more true for younger Thai girls. Older girls may have kids at home with mom because they were previously married and the Thai guy left them high and dry. This is a fairly common occurrence and one reason Thai women are starting to look to guys from the west for marriage. Western males are much more likely to stay in a monogamous relationship than Thai guys. Still, Thai women love their kids as much as anyone so if there are kids and they are not with the mom there is a reason and that reason might be because the mom is a bargirl.
- Your girl isn’t a virgin. This is a pretty good clue actually. In Thai society – a girl that is not a virgin gets no dowry and probably gets no decent husband either. A girl that loses her virginity had better marry the guy. If she does not – then she is spoiled goods and the Thai guys won’t marry her. They will almost NEVER marry a girl that has been married and has a child. They have a severe loss of face for this – to be raising someone else’s child. There are exceptions – but, I’d say this is a BIG CLUE.
- If all she seems to care about is money, especially your money, then she very well might be a bargirl. Good Thai girls will not talk about money, it’s not something they are typically obsessed with. The girls that are obsessed by it will do whatever they can to get more. How does your typical Thai with no university education or skills do to get more money? Even if they are not outright bargirls there are girls who will go out with guys to dinner or a movie, or maybe right back to their rooms simply to get an extra 1000 baht for a new cellphone or clothes or whatever it is she feels that she needs. As I’ve said before, a girl can live in Bangkok quite easily on 10,000 baht a month and many do. Those who aren’t happy living that lifestyle will do whatever they have to to get more money and often that includes the bargirl life.
- If she has friends in Pattaya, Patpong or Nana Plaza and she’s keeping in close contact with them – she is or was or may turn out to be a bargirl if the relationship with you doesn’t work.
- If she has tattoos then she may not necessarily be a bargirl, but she worked in the pay for play industry in some fashion. Maybe she was a masseuse or fishbowl girl, served drinks in a bar or even worked as a freelancer, but she was connected in some way with bargirls if she has a tattoo.
- If she has piercings beside her earrings – she was or is a bargirl. If she has her tongue pierced she was or is 100% without fail, a bargirl. If her nose or navel is pierced – not 100%, but north of 90% I’d say.
- If she goes to another place to talk on the cellphone then she is hiding something. You should be wondering what she has to hide from you. Most likely if she’s hiding something it is another man. Many of the bargirls in Thailand are married to a Thai guy or have many foreign boyfriends calling her. They get money from the boyfriends and they send their money to the Thai guys. It’s what they do for love!
- If her English is pretty good. Most Thai’s have bad English skills, even those who work in tourist areas or hotels. If your Thai girlfriend understands anything that has to do with money or a bar or restaurant situation she may be or was a bargirl. This is especially true if she makes jokes to you about “short time, love you long time, no money no honey…”. These are typical bar jokes and if she knows them she was very likely a bargirl in the past or present.
- She no longer takes care of you once you’re in a relationship with you. Bargirls will try very hard to hook you, but once you’re on the hook all she wants to do is watch TV, eat and gossip with her friends. She won’t want to cook, but will send out for food everyday. You would expect that she would view you as a godsend since you are making 5-10 times as much money as any Thai guy would and supporting her lavishly from a Thai standpoint. Instead she tries to minimize your impact on their lives. She will ask for more things all the time, going out to eat, better cell phone, bigger TV, cars, vacations, anything that others have that they want. They will never be satisfied with what they have and they will not give much back in the relationship. They are used to the bargirl lifestyle which is to sleep, eat, watch TV and make sure you can buy what everyone else have and then show off what you have.
- You’re married and she has a separate bank account. A bargirl will use this account for two purposes. First to transfer money out to a Thai boyfriend/husband and second to receive money from past customers. Some guys will continue to send money to bargirls for a very long time and of course the girls will continue to accept it as long as it’s being sent.
- If she is not reachable by phone sometimes – she is up to something. She may not be a bargirl, but something is seriously wrong with that picture. A cell phone is a Thai girls link to the world and everyone she knows and they can and will answer it even when riding 50 mph on the back of a motorcycle. If your Thai girlfriends frequently doesn’t answer her phone when you call there’s something going on she doesn’t want you to know about.
As I said, these aren’t hard and fast rules, but are more like warning signs. Keep your eyes open and use your common sense.
If you’re reading this and you’ve had some experience with Thai bargirls then maybe you can add some more to what I’ve written. Are there other warning signs I’ve missed? Leave a comment and let us know.
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Hi,
Where to start? Like many of you I have been to Thailand , along with Vietnam, Cambodia, Indonesia, and Phillipines many times, but because Thailand is the land of the smiles, it is my favorite! Good or Bad ? Who is to say? When we come to Thailand, that is the game we play, if you find the rules overwhelming, than you, mister western white man should go home to your plump white wife. A couple of problems for working class women in Asia, their is limited education , limited job oportunities, limited health options, being a bar girl for many asian women is the only option, or should I say “young asian women”, because once they hit 35, for some , business is over, so now is the time to bank as much as they can, for their parents, their home , their children , children medical, children school, and of course their post bar girl business. Before you critisize anyone, please try to put yourself in their position, if you can? What would you do? really? wouldn’t you try to tag, 4 white boyfriends into sending you money every month? The whinning from some of you folks is absolutely deafening. The phrase having your cake and eating it , comes to mind.
I know this is about how can I tell if I am dating a sex worker or not? because I am 60 years old, that is the only women I am going to be able to date, I know they will probably not be in my age range, but I have come to terms with that. Seriously , I know , I could meet non sex workers that are over 50 years of age, I just have not found any, that are out going, want to go on a hike, bike ride, be spontaneous? seems like most have lost their spirit, just want to shop, watch TV and visit family. Well back to the issue at hand, i have had 5 asian girlfriends over the past 4 years, some I send money to, some I don’t, sex was always great, they all took care of me, cleaned, cooked, but I have always felt something missing? I also must say that the plus side to dating a sex worker, is from that carreer , everything is an improvement ( even a 60 year old American) they seem to do much less posturing, more down to earth, really understand the value of a dollar, and generally have a great sense of humour. We are all so different it is hard to , or impossible to generalize what the qualities should be in a Thai date/ girlfriend/and bride. I met my current Thai sweetheart in a bar in Pattaya (Dec 4), she is 33 years old, use to work in a electronic factory, use to be married ( husband died, was married 9 years) not sure when she got into the sex business, I am guessing 3 years ago. Has no children, says she does not think she can have any. I flew her out to Singapore (her first visit to Singapore) where I work, for a week, in that week, she showed up at the airport wearing faded jeans, no hi-heels. no painted long fake nails, ( Which is exactly what i want! no hi-heels, Jeans , and no fake nails! how did she know? she didn’t) Many small brush strokes paint the picture, and we see what we want to see! I do not want someone to wait on me, never had, never will, its more on doing for each other, I need to work and I would expect my girlfriend/wife needs to work, I need to have something that brings joy to my heart ( music) and she would as well? unfortuantelly some of those attributes are not in line with asian/Thai ciulture. At any rate, unlike all previous girlfriends, she did not stay in the condo all day waiting for me, she traveled through out Singapore, figured out Singapore bus service, found the Thai grocery store, cooked the best Green curry, Tom Yam, etc, etc, etc. , We talked about long term, “US” which means no more bar business to me, also talked about possible jobs in Thailand? Yoga instructor, Thai cooking teacher, SO ANY OF YOU THAI FOLKS THAT KNOW OF ANY JOBS AVAILABLE IN PATTAYA, LET ME KNOW 
.
She is at her farm ( I guess the youngest daughter inherits the farm) for the next 2 weeks, helping her folks out, and overseeing sugar cane? something? Well this was fun for me, thanks for letting me get this off my chest. It seems like Thailand Musings is like a community? Don’t know how it will work out with my sweetheart? it is still very early. No scary indicators, phone calls, text messages? etc. I will keep my fingers crossed, and hope for the best, no one is bad, no one is good , we are all just doing the best that we are able to.
Hi, well I know that my girlfriend was a bar girl, cos, that’s where I met her. In a bar in Pattaya. She does have a tattoo a nose peircing has been married and has a 2 year old son. Sounds like a relationshipe from hell right? Wrong! The thing that I liked most about her was her honesty. As it turned out she only worked in the bar 3 time a week the other days she worked in a hair salon.
The first night that I was with her she told me everything, About past boyfriends, her previous marriage her son, everything. She told me about her two sisters that were married to guys from Finland. She also told me that she was going home to Udon Thani to stay, because her dad asked her to. Of course I did not believe this at the time, I’ve herd that one many times before. But the day after I left Thailand she did exactly that and has been there ever since. I told her that I was not willing to send her any money as I did not want to be her cash cow. She seemed fine with that and to date has never asked me for anything. I did send her 15,000TBHT which was my idea. And that was so she could go back to school to finnish learning about hair and makeup so she could get some formal quallifications, which will help her in the future. Especially if things go well and we decide to go back to the UK for a while.
We talk everyday on the phone. I phone her at all times of the day and she never misses a call. I speak to her dad once or twice a week. Next month I am going to vist her again. I plan to stay for 1 or 2 months depending on how things go. If it all goes south Pattaya is only a 10 hour coach trip away.
Hi i am Popil & Rupali We r 33 & 28 years old good looking fair color couples we r want a visit in Thailand and Goa India but we want a company for shear one couples if any one intrastate pls reply me uussha@yahoo.com
Accordion to what “Ivan” said “being a bar girl for many asian women is the only option”
well, as a thai was born in a poor family with “NO” any land and property left for us. I can say that on one in my family(or any of my friend which rang in the same social level) being a bar girl or bar boy, we know how to save from our earn, now we are comfortably stay in the upper middle class in thailand with in less than one generation.
I can tell you that “bargirl is not the only option” on the table for poor thai.
Most bargirl in thailand came from north and northeast region. And most if not all of them got land, farm and property left from their ancestor.
This people life style are all about … having fun, drinking, cheating, gamble and bad investment decision. Learn nothing from their own mistaken, keep doing the same mistake over and over until they loose everything. Some even sell their own kids for money.
If I have to go back and put my self in their position all over again?
I would work hard and save, I would never ever gamble. I won’t miss my working day with out a notice, I won’t try to cheat my boss just for little extra money. I will earn this trust by showing him how much I can do, not how much I can cheat from him. Etc whatever a decent man would do to build their own life.
But sorry those think the only selling their body is the only option for them would never thing this way.
To A Thai,
Sawat dee Kurp!!
Yes, I agree with you 100% about your commnents. People have a choice in life and you do not need to sell your body. I hear that many times specially from Isan girls same excuse everytime ” I worke at the bar becuase I do not have a choice and my family is very poor”. Same , same, shame, shame!!
All the bar girls are just plain greedy and ignorant.
Greed and ignorance is condemned by the Buddha, how can they call themselves Buddhists?
I do not understand………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
Sorry if I offended anyone with my commnets.
To : Keith and Ivan
I serioulsy wish you guys all the luck of the world on your search to find the special someone.
But I will encourage you not to give your 100% on this one, I was in a similar situtation just like you guys
saddly we are not in Thailand full time so that we can see the real picture of these girls everyday lifes.
To make the story short I’m 39 and my ex-gf was 32, we known each other for at least 2 years.
I traveled to Thailand about 3 times year to be with her, but these last time she had many excuses ,that
had to stay at work very late and it was not going to be able to see me. That same thing happens about 4 days also she did not answer my calls after 7 pm, and if she did she just answer speaking very soft and say ” I call you later ” and after hung up the phone.
I started to suspect something going on , and Bingo!! From just a regular girl that had nothing
Just to find out that she has 2 nice houses and a condomonium in Pattaya and married to a 56 year old UK man. I’m sure she lie to this man many times to see me at the hotel and stay with me and travel too.
What a shocker!!
So let me give heads up and the most typical excuses from these girls…………..
I was in a rush and forgot my mobile at home.
I did not answer the mobile all day because low battery.
I could not hear the mobile because I was ridding the motorbike.
I feel sick and going to bed at 5 or 7 pm……………because she is going out with a man.
The mobile rings more then 3 time without answer……….cuz she walks away from the other man to talk to u.
she spends a lot of time texting
she gets on the mobile when you are in the shower or away from you.
Fails to answer the mobile at early hours in the morning.
Speaks Thai very fast on the mobile when she is next to you.
Does it sounds familar to you? There is not a girl that can leave home without her mobile….
my advice to you get a small digital voice recorded or a mobile that has one built in, next time that you’re with her and have someone translate for you what she was talking about on the mobile.
I wish I did that a long time ago……………But now is too late.
well come on gents lets face it why are you all going to thailand to start with ? fat ? ugly ? unfit ? tall ? small ? spotty ? you all know where im coming from they will cater for anybody and they will rob you at any oppertunity, you must be hoping that £20 a night will lead to a wonderful relationship “GET A LIFE YOU SAD MEN” all they want is your money to give to their parents to help them look after their babys then have a better life style than you think about it thailand cant get poorer and your feeding their addiction MONEY BIG MONEY ! charity starts at home. sad but true accept it and try love at home someone will have you trust me she could be spotty fat or ugly but she will actually love you for real.
Hey,
I have been reading some of these articles having lived in Thailand, dated and dating a Thai girl and having tried to experience as much Thai culture as possible.
Although it makes a fun read and I agree with some of these points I really think some of these views are outdated. I am currently 25 and have visited Thailand to study and live for the past couple of years. The writer hinted that many of these “rules” are changing as Thailand accepts more Western culture and I would definitely agree with this.
Some of the points I don’t think are true these days or at least in young adults.
1. Thai girls dont wear makeup – I would say that although Thai girls dont wear make in the way ladyboys do or some western hollywood types, they def like wearing makeup, I am currently looking through some facebook pics from uni and loads of the girls have there eyes made up, remember that Thai girls still have to wear a pretty plain uniform at university so makeup, hair and nails are a great way to express yourself. It definitely does not mean you are a bar girl!
2. Her English is good – Again, most good Universities teach the majority of lessons in English so I am constantly surprised at how good my Thai girl friends are at English, I wouldnt take a good accent and a sound understanding of English as signs that she is a bar girl.
3. She isnt shy about kissing or isnt a virgin – Maybe this is another case of the modern Thai girl versus an outdated stereotype, but generally along with not touching a Thai persons head or pointing your feet are customs that are massively outdated. It makes me laugh when I still see books or people who live in Thailand talk about this type of stuff. I find Thailand one of the most open countries sexually, where else when buying condoms will the check out girl start asking you about your sex life. I have lots of examples that put this particular “rule” out of date.
However, some of the rules are pretty good, I wouldnt expect a good girl to know the best bars etc.. in the red light district or want to go with you there on a night out, I wouldnt expect a good girl to ask you for cash, but Thai girls, like any other girls, would still be happy if you pay for dates. Thai girls and boys love to buy gifts, the price isn’t really an issue more the fact that you thought of them.
Basically, what my advice would be is, if you meet a girl in or working around the bar scene she is a bar girl, if she asks you to send her money or always pay for things, she is a bar girl. Tattoos and piercings I wouldnt say are a definite I know some Thai girls with there tongue pierced, I’m sure they will take it out in a couple of years but its the same way an English girl at uni will get her hair braided, have one night stands and get smashed every weekend, eventually settling into a regular responsible job.
I don’t usually reply to these articles but I have shown some Thai friends these articles who usually just laugh and shake there heads at how clueless some foreigners are. I know its just a bit of fun, but I wouldn’t use these “rules” as any type of concrete way of telling a “good” girl and a “bad” girl (does this even exist). I live in Bangkok by the way and haven’t been to the Northern regions maybe it is different there.
Opinions Please!
Simon said:
“but generally along with not touching a Thai persons head or pointing your feet are customs that are massively outdated”
Nonsense! These customs are still very much in place, even in Bangkok. To do either, especially in a public setting, would be considered very rude. How could you possibly get this wrong????
Simon:
“but I have shown some Thai friends these articles who usually just laugh and shake there heads at how clueless some foreigners are.”
I don’t see why – the author went to some length to explain these were generalities, not set-in-stone rules. Perhaps your Thai friends’ English comprehension was poor (as is that of many “educated” Thai’s who have not studied or worked abroad – another generality to which there are of course exceptions). Or more likely, they read like most Thais – with little appreciation of “gray areas” – they prefer things black and white, good and bad, etc.
Come to think of it – YOU missed out on the stated caveats about young urban Thais too – almost to the point of repeating them in your own comment. So it seems not only do you have much to learn about Thai’s, but also you either are one and incapable of honest self-assessment (ANOTHER Thai trait), or are spending too much time with them and are picking up some bad habits
Just my opinion
Interesting read.
I tend to agree with you all.
I actually frequent Nana/Patpong for a perve & Drink.
I have not wanted to pluck a girl out,not that I ahve anything against it I do not.
Yet I am astounded when some Farangs get all pigeon chested with each when a girl is around,especially a bar girl.Stop arguing all she wants is money.
Hi ,,,interesting to read all the comments but I find many men who go to Thailand are just too lazy to try to find a Good Thai girl ,,,there are hundreds of thousands of them working in offices and shops and factories all different levels of education just wanting to find a nice guy.There are several web sites that are free to use and you can chat on line and find out what these girls do before you go to meet them . I have met many over the last 5 years and I must say what stunning girls they are . I am 62 this year and 2 years ago met a girl who has been in her job 15 years ,,,well educated ,,,never married ,,so gents they are out there and in HUGE numbers ,,it just takes a bit of time,We are married now and she will move to Australia for a couple of years after she trains a staff member to do her job ,,,oh and NO tattoos or piercings ,except ears ,,,I wish you all good luck ,a little time can change your whole life for the better so do it.
There are a couple of other “tips’ that I hope help out in this area.
1> She is really good at pool. Most Thai girls do not play pool and a lot of bars have the game there. Tie this in with tattoos and such and you can rest assured she was a bar girl.
2> her English is good and the list of words is bad. If she knows every word for intimate parts, sounds like american hip-hop, swears too well in English…. probably was…
3> Always has to ride in a taxi or scooter. Bar girls do not take the bus for some reason…
4> If in doubt, “borrow” her phone. If she has two phones then for sure she not only was – but is! The golden key to knowing your Teerak is to see who calls and when. A veritable gold-mine of information can be had by scanning the incoming and outgoing messages and numbers.
5> She seems to have travelled all over Thailand with someone. If she has been through Koh Samet,Samui, Pattaya and a lot of other tourist places she most likely was taken along for the ride by a “patron”
6> The way she dresses. Check out Thai girls at work and at the mall and see what she dresses like. No this is not a “for sure” sign but I have noticed that the short-shorts and too much on display has generally been a good guide as to wether or not she was a bar girl. Old habits die hard.
7> Can she drink more than you? Be frightened…
8> Constant harrasment from Ma or Pa for money. Most bar-girls are used as an income machine from messed up families. Good fmailes are self-supporting and dont do that.
There is no “best test” but go with your gut feelings. If money is her primary focus of talk and she tells nothing about her past, has two phones, gaps in her life story, messed up relatives etc… then you might want to be a little wary. there is no one sign, there will be many subtle clues that you need to be aware of.
cheers!
Zen
Thanks for that great reply Zen. I agree with you that there really is no one definitive sign, but small things can add up. Most of all I usually caution guys to just use their common sense. If you are suspicious from a variety of sources in many cases the guy is giving his girlfriend the benefit of the doubt way too often. You can only overlook so many “clues” and eventually the truth will come out. If you start out with your eyes wide open you can often avoid a nasty surprise later on. That being said, the vast majority of Thai girls that you meet during normal day to day activities are wonderful and caring and very deserving of your attention and affection.
i got ripped off thought she was nice thai bar girl from issan but i was wrongi was in pattaya for ten nights stayed together thought nice time 3days into hoilday we walking on beach at night she say all her money stole i gave her 12000 baht in bag i give her more money next day i gave her 43000 baht she say she goes home to village when i go i say to her how much to sponser her she says 20000 baht a month i say no i send 10000 baht she says yes silly me send her 23868 baht for two months i ring to see if she gets money she says yes she in bed at 915 pm sleeping she not want to speak not say thankyou well ripped off
I just cant believe you are admitting to be so stupid ,,,,I hope you have woken up now ,,,,she is only there to get money ,,,
“nice thai bar girl” = oxymoron
Well usually anyway. I hate to paint everyone with the same brush. Kinda like playing craps with loaded dice though isn’t it?
Guys this is 100% right. But these girls can be very kind too. I am married and unemployed. My gf is a thai bargirl. We love each other and she is saving to buy a shop. She wants me to live with her in Thailand. When I lost my job she offered to send me money! I refused of course – but that only proves they can be good too. She still texts me all the time at her expense.