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Posted by Steve on 1/05/08 • Categorized as Thai Bargirls
To the best of my knowledge, my Thai girlfriend is employed in the finance/accounting area of a small 30-employee Bangkok business. I really have no reason to doubt her, and I naturally take her at her word. It has of course crossed my mind that bar-girls looking for a foreign marriage via an internet profile probably do not disclose their true occupational experience! I will not disrespect the world’s oldest and most pleasant profession, however I really don’t want to marry a former sex-worker. I enjoyed your tips about ladyboy detection, that was a real scream. Do you have any bar-girl detection techniques to share?
Answer: These are not entirely mine, I’ve gotten inspiration for some of them by reading and hearing other experiences. And by no means are these 100% spot on, just like everywhere in the world there are exceptions to rules, but they are good indicators, especially if your Thai girlfriend meets more than 2.
Keep in mind too that for many of the younger Thai urban girls these rules do not necessarily apply. Things are a bit different in Bangkok than they are out in rural Thailand or even in other Thai cities. The younger generation of Thai’s are moving away from traditional Thai values rapidly. What was true 5 or 10 years ago doesn’t necessarily apply any longer, especially when considering the university educated middle class or hi-so Thai’s.
Take these warnings as what they are, just warnings to keep your eyes open. Your Thai girl may be a good girl or she may be a bad girl, it’s often hard to tell these days as the lines have become a bit blurred.
- She is very familiar with one of the pay-for-play areas in Thailand. If she is able to give you an in depth tour of Patpong, Nana Plaza or Pattaya, especially the tourist bar scene then she most likely was or is a bargirl.
- She wears a lot of makeup. In Thailand the good girls don’t wear makeup very much. This too is changing, but even those that do wear make up wear very little, mostly just some cover-up to make them look whiter and MAYBE some blush. Heavy eyeliner or eyeshadow is definitely in the realm of bargirls. If your Thai girl is in the fashion industry this may differ, but in general Thai girls don’t wear much makeup.
- She isn’t shy about kissing, holding hands or touching in public. Good Thai girls do not kiss or touch in public. Again, this is slowly changing in Bangkok and if you’ve been together awhile she will be less reluctant, but the fact is that Thai’s do not generally show affection in public. If your Thai girlfriend regularly pats your ass in public she may have been a bargirl.
- She has had a baby, but the baby is not with her. A large percentage of girls that work in the pay-for-play industry have had children that they’ve left with their mothers, aunts or other relatives – so they can work unencumbered. This is generally more true for younger Thai girls. Older girls may have kids at home with mom because they were previously married and the Thai guy left them high and dry. This is a fairly common occurrence and one reason Thai women are starting to look to guys from the west for marriage. Western males are much more likely to stay in a monogamous relationship than Thai guys. Still, Thai women love their kids as much as anyone so if there are kids and they are not with the mom there is a reason and that reason might be because the mom is a bargirl.
- Your girl isn’t a virgin. This is a pretty good clue actually. In Thai society – a girl that is not a virgin gets no dowry and probably gets no decent husband either. A girl that loses her virginity had better marry the guy. If she does not – then she is spoiled goods and the Thai guys won’t marry her. They will almost NEVER marry a girl that has been married and has a child. They have a severe loss of face for this – to be raising someone else’s child. There are exceptions – but, I’d say this is a BIG CLUE.
- If all she seems to care about is money, especially your money, then she very well might be a bargirl. Good Thai girls will not talk about money, it’s not something they are typically obsessed with. The girls that are obsessed by it will do whatever they can to get more. How does your typical Thai with no university education or skills do to get more money? Even if they are not outright bargirls there are girls who will go out with guys to dinner or a movie, or maybe right back to their rooms simply to get an extra 1000 baht for a new cellphone or clothes or whatever it is she feels that she needs. As I’ve said before, a girl can live in Bangkok quite easily on 10,000 baht a month and many do. Those who aren’t happy living that lifestyle will do whatever they have to to get more money and often that includes the bargirl life.
- If she has friends in Pattaya, Patpong or Nana Plaza and she’s keeping in close contact with them – she is or was or may turn out to be a bargirl if the relationship with you doesn’t work.
- If she has tattoos then she may not necessarily be a bargirl, but she worked in the pay for play industry in some fashion. Maybe she was a masseuse or fishbowl girl, served drinks in a bar or even worked as a freelancer, but she was connected in some way with bargirls if she has a tattoo.
- If she has piercings beside her earrings – she was or is a bargirl. If she has her tongue pierced she was or is 100% without fail, a bargirl. If her nose or navel is pierced – not 100%, but north of 90% I’d say.
- If she goes to another place to talk on the cellphone then she is hiding something. You should be wondering what she has to hide from you. Most likely if she’s hiding something it is another man. Many of the bargirls in Thailand are married to a Thai guy or have many foreign boyfriends calling her. They get money from the boyfriends and they send their money to the Thai guys. It’s what they do for love!
- If her English is pretty good. Most Thai’s have bad English skills, even those who work in tourist areas or hotels. If your Thai girlfriend understands anything that has to do with money or a bar or restaurant situation she may be or was a bargirl. This is especially true if she makes jokes to you about “short time, love you long time, no money no honey…”. These are typical bar jokes and if she knows them she was very likely a bargirl in the past or present.
- She no longer takes care of you once you’re in a relationship with you. Bargirls will try very hard to hook you, but once you’re on the hook all she wants to do is watch TV, eat and gossip with her friends. She won’t want to cook, but will send out for food everyday. You would expect that she would view you as a godsend since you are making 5-10 times as much money as any Thai guy would and supporting her lavishly from a Thai standpoint. Instead she tries to minimize your impact on their lives. She will ask for more things all the time, going out to eat, better cell phone, bigger TV, cars, vacations, anything that others have that they want. They will never be satisfied with what they have and they will not give much back in the relationship. They are used to the bargirl lifestyle which is to sleep, eat, watch TV and make sure you can buy what everyone else have and then show off what you have.
- You’re married and she has a separate bank account. A bargirl will use this account for two purposes. First to transfer money out to a Thai boyfriend/husband and second to receive money from past customers. Some guys will continue to send money to bargirls for a very long time and of course the girls will continue to accept it as long as it’s being sent.
- If she is not reachable by phone sometimes – she is up to something. She may not be a bargirl, but something is seriously wrong with that picture. A cell phone is a Thai girls link to the world and everyone she knows and they can and will answer it even when riding 50 mph on the back of a motorcycle. If your Thai girlfriends frequently doesn’t answer her phone when you call there’s something going on she doesn’t want you to know about.
As I said, these aren’t hard and fast rules, but are more like warning signs. Keep your eyes open and use your common sense.
If you’re reading this and you’ve had some experience with Thai bargirls then maybe you can add some more to what I’ve written. Are there other warning signs I’ve missed? Leave a comment and let us know.
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Hi,
Where to start? Like many of you I have been to Thailand , along with Vietnam, Cambodia, Indonesia, and Phillipines many times, but because Thailand is the land of the smiles, it is my favorite! Good or Bad ? Who is to say? When we come to Thailand, that is the game we play, if you find the rules overwhelming, than you, mister western white man should go home to your plump white wife. A couple of problems for working class women in Asia, their is limited education , limited job oportunities, limited health options, being a bar girl for many asian women is the only option, or should I say “young asian women”, because once they hit 35, for some , business is over, so now is the time to bank as much as they can, for their parents, their home , their children , children medical, children school, and of course their post bar girl business. Before you critisize anyone, please try to put yourself in their position, if you can? What would you do? really? wouldn’t you try to tag, 4 white boyfriends into sending you money every month? The whinning from some of you folks is absolutely deafening. The phrase having your cake and eating it , comes to mind.
I know this is about how can I tell if I am dating a sex worker or not? because I am 60 years old, that is the only women I am going to be able to date, I know they will probably not be in my age range, but I have come to terms with that. Seriously , I know , I could meet non sex workers that are over 50 years of age, I just have not found any, that are out going, want to go on a hike, bike ride, be spontaneous? seems like most have lost their spirit, just want to shop, watch TV and visit family. Well back to the issue at hand, i have had 5 asian girlfriends over the past 4 years, some I send money to, some I don’t, sex was always great, they all took care of me, cleaned, cooked, but I have always felt something missing? I also must say that the plus side to dating a sex worker, is from that carreer , everything is an improvement ( even a 60 year old American) they seem to do much less posturing, more down to earth, really understand the value of a dollar, and generally have a great sense of humour. We are all so different it is hard to , or impossible to generalize what the qualities should be in a Thai date/ girlfriend/and bride. I met my current Thai sweetheart in a bar in Pattaya (Dec 4), she is 33 years old, use to work in a electronic factory, use to be married ( husband died, was married 9 years) not sure when she got into the sex business, I am guessing 3 years ago. Has no children, says she does not think she can have any. I flew her out to Singapore (her first visit to Singapore) where I work, for a week, in that week, she showed up at the airport wearing faded jeans, no hi-heels. no painted long fake nails, ( Which is exactly what i want! no hi-heels, Jeans , and no fake nails! how did she know? she didn’t) Many small brush strokes paint the picture, and we see what we want to see! I do not want someone to wait on me, never had, never will, its more on doing for each other, I need to work and I would expect my girlfriend/wife needs to work, I need to have something that brings joy to my heart ( music) and she would as well? unfortuantelly some of those attributes are not in line with asian/Thai ciulture. At any rate, unlike all previous girlfriends, she did not stay in the condo all day waiting for me, she traveled through out Singapore, figured out Singapore bus service, found the Thai grocery store, cooked the best Green curry, Tom Yam, etc, etc, etc. , We talked about long term, “US” which means no more bar business to me, also talked about possible jobs in Thailand? Yoga instructor, Thai cooking teacher, SO ANY OF YOU THAI FOLKS THAT KNOW OF ANY JOBS AVAILABLE IN PATTAYA, LET ME KNOW 
.
She is at her farm ( I guess the youngest daughter inherits the farm) for the next 2 weeks, helping her folks out, and overseeing sugar cane? something? Well this was fun for me, thanks for letting me get this off my chest. It seems like Thailand Musings is like a community? Don’t know how it will work out with my sweetheart? it is still very early. No scary indicators, phone calls, text messages? etc. I will keep my fingers crossed, and hope for the best, no one is bad, no one is good , we are all just doing the best that we are able to.
Hi, well I know that my girlfriend was a bar girl, cos, that’s where I met her. In a bar in Pattaya. She does have a tattoo a nose peircing has been married and has a 2 year old son. Sounds like a relationshipe from hell right? Wrong! The thing that I liked most about her was her honesty. As it turned out she only worked in the bar 3 time a week the other days she worked in a hair salon.
The first night that I was with her she told me everything, About past boyfriends, her previous marriage her son, everything. She told me about her two sisters that were married to guys from Finland. She also told me that she was going home to Udon Thani to stay, because her dad asked her to. Of course I did not believe this at the time, I’ve herd that one many times before. But the day after I left Thailand she did exactly that and has been there ever since. I told her that I was not willing to send her any money as I did not want to be her cash cow. She seemed fine with that and to date has never asked me for anything. I did send her 15,000TBHT which was my idea. And that was so she could go back to school to finnish learning about hair and makeup so she could get some formal quallifications, which will help her in the future. Especially if things go well and we decide to go back to the UK for a while.
We talk everyday on the phone. I phone her at all times of the day and she never misses a call. I speak to her dad once or twice a week. Next month I am going to vist her again. I plan to stay for 1 or 2 months depending on how things go. If it all goes south Pattaya is only a 10 hour coach trip away.