It seems that it developed from the fact that Thailand has no social benefits and children take care of their parents. Traditionally, sons will pay for the upkeep of the parents and the girls will do work for them (house and farm). So, when a daughter leaves her parents they are “compensated” with the dowry since the daughter will now “work” for her husband.

It is also a sign of readiness to support the future wife. In the West we are taught that love is separate from money, but in other cultures money may represent a symbol of love. I know that this is very different from the way that we think of money and love in the West. Part of this connection is due to the way that Thai people value generosity. Generosity is highly valued and it is often hard for Thai people to understand if someone does not want to show generosity.

Of course today many Thai parents are more modern thinking and the dowry is often more important as a visible sign to the community of how successful the new son-in-law is. The concept of “face” comes into play here. I can’t say that I understand this concept completely and will have to say that it is fundamentally about the perception other people have about us and ones importance relative to others.

It is acceptable to “negotiate” the dowry as well. Usually this will be done by a close friend or family member of the groom, however in the case of a foreigner marrying a Thai girl it would be done by the future bride. The amount of the dowry can vary widely and is usually dependent on how successful (and rich) the groom is (or perceived to be). Keep in mind too that many times the parents will return the dowry to the couple immediately after the wedding as a gift.

In my case, my in-laws gave back the gold in the dowry as a gift as well as much of the cash. They kept the money that was received from our guests as gifts to pay for the wedding ceremony. I thought this was extremely fair and generous, especially since it wasn’t expected. Of course each situation is different and while it is definitely more common these days for the return of the dowry as a gift it still isn’t an automatic.

I think the bottom line is if you love your Thai girlfriend then I wouldn’t worry too much about the dowry. If it is something you can afford then it is really no big deal. I mean really, how can you compare money to love? Money you can make more of it anytime, right? But for love…it is so elusive and difficult to find and keep. Ask yourself…can I live without this woman…then ask the same question about the dowry. I think that will put things into perspective.

Check out these similar posts:

• The Thai Dowry or Sin Sot – How Much is Enough?
• Thai Parents Views on Foreign Husbands
• Thai Engagement Ceremony
• First Time Meeting My Future Thai Bride
• American and European Men Looking for A Thai Bride

I have thought of three courses to go about locating a Thai bride. There may be more, but I believe these 3 are the most common. Obviously it is your choice to decide which is the best compatible with your personality and circumstances.

Move to Thailand for A Few Months Up to a Year or More

This is the course that many fellows used in the past, prior to the internet and easy long distance communication became common. This is the most costly and obviously is not a method that is available to most as things like employment and families keep us tied to our home land. However, if you could somehow make the move to Thailand for six to twelve months this is a great way for locating Thai brides. Not only is it easy to meet the girls because you’re located in Thailand, you also get the added benefit of learning some of the language and culture which is a huge benefit in getting to know your Thai bride. Believe me when I let you know that Thai’s do not think the same as Westerners and gaining a knowledge of Thai culture will provide a great benefit to you, most notably in the 1st year of marriage.

Use a Marriage Agency to Locate Thai Brides

There are numerous marriage agencies who are in business to connect you with Thai ladies searching for foreigners as husbands. These agencies will typically set up meetings between you and the women and a few will even schedule parties where there will be numerous Thai girls together with a few foreign men. The purpose of course is to get to know each other in a safe place and decide if you want to get together again later more privately. The agencies can be quite expensive and the number of women may be somewhat limited, but this can make a good alternative if you don’t have a great deal of time free to spend in Thailand and you desire the expertise of a matchmaker.

Meet Your Thai Bride Online

Nowadays more and more men are going this route. It’s really cheap and simple to sign up with an online Thai dating website that it has become the method of choice for both Western fellows and Thai girls. The top Thai personals websites have 100’s of thousands of registered members and they make it so simple to communicate with the girls that you may be overwhelmed initially. When you think that all of the Thai women on the Thai dating sites are looking for foreigners, the low cost and the simplicity of communication I feel that hooking up with Thai girls online is probably the preferred course for the majority of guys.

Check out these similar posts:

• American and European Men Looking for A Thai Bride
• Meeting and Dating Thai Girls
• Meeting Cute Thai Girls
• What Kind of Thai Girls Do Foreigners Fall in Love With?
• Meeting Thai Girls

I arrive back at work, place the new picture on my desk, Saow at Buddha, the picture I love and that means so much to me. Not long before everybody wants to know the story of my holiday. Bit by Bit the story unfolds, my friends and work colleagues all offer words of advice, all she wants is your money, all Thai woman are the same. You sure she is really a woman and not a man. Forget her, she will have many boyfriends all sending her money, now your here she will be working behind a bar in Bangkok. I remember the advice I had been given at the airport. I should have said nothing.

Still time will tell how I really feel about her. I will listen closely to all my telephone calls to make sure she is telling me the truth. A little doubt creeping in. Anyway the time difference between London and Thailand is 6 hours so I stay up late to speak to her. My telephone cards I have purchased are great £5 talk to her for 750 minutes. But I was talking to her for so long at night my sleep was suffering. Then I had an Idea, I will work nights, that’s it sleep in the day talk to her all night long. That worked a treat we talked and talked. Her English was poor but in a way it all added to the most enjoyable phone calls. but the text messages where the best, I received, I love you High, High, and I love you one million fingers, followed by I love you sky and land.

By the middle of October, I loved her and trusted her, I wanted to be with her. The job was coming to an end, so I got a 3 month Thai visa and booked the flight, I was going back to Thailand at the end of the October. With all the parting words of wisdom from my so called friends here in the UK. I arranged to start back end of January. Then I am off back to Thailand.

First thing on the agenda was my Saow the second a Motorbike. The new Honda Click was great we went out everyday far and wide. If I had any doubts about her they were soon gone. She was and is the most beautiful person I have ever met. Kind in every way, caring, thoughtful, and quite unlike anything the people back home could imagine. I wanted her and I was going to keep her, I wanted to get married. Which she knew anyway from day one. When are we going to get married? Buddha will decide. I will ask. The date came back 18th November. OK that’s fine. I was told family will do everything nothing for you to worry about. OK that’s good. In the days ahead people arrived from everywhere to help and arrange the wedding.

How many people will come, 500, how many, that seems a lot seeing my side is made up of one, me, The whole village will come, do they know, yes of course they do. OK. My Saow is busy, so I set about reading the book I brought at the airport, Thai Culture. A special idiots guide just for me. The book was good and gave me insight into Love, marriage, and the Dowry, what Dowry nobody told me about that. Saow what’s this, just how much are you worth, Look, your 34, have 2 children, tell your father I will give him 10 Baht no more to take you off his hands. I thought it was funny, but she did not.

You give what you think, Oh fxxk me, bloody book gives no indication. I have no idea. I change the subject, I will leave it for another day or two. A few days later, your father don’t look too good. What’s up with him. He has a medical problem and needs an operation. When is he going in to have it done. He cannot afford to have it done costs big money. How much? 50,000 is the answer. That’s it then the dowry is 50,000. She liked that, father seemed to perk up a bit at the news.

Lots of things for Saow and me to sort out. Drink for the big day was down to us to sort out, so off we go to the drink store, which turned out to be a kind of wholesaler for just beer and whisky. While I am trying to work out how much beer 500 people would drink, she’s straight in, I want 50 boxes of beer and 30 boxes of Whisky. I said, What, that’s got to be wrong, Beers ok, 30 boxes of whisky, you’re crazy, you know how many bottles that is. Still trying to work it out myself. Who is going to drink all that whisky? Everybody. Really and what do the woman drink, Whisky. Oh I see.

That’s the drink, What about a cake, I tell her I want a big one, OK we go and see a woman at a road side stall who I am told is the cake maker for the village. The price was agreed. I hold my breath 5000 baht or £75, What, £75, I want a proper cake, on tiers, eatable, I don’t what to look a cheapskate in front of the whole village. She knows what you want. I left feeling very uneasy. No wine, no champagne and a £75 cake. This is going to be bad.

We need 2 pigs for Buddha. OK, that’s fine. No idea what she is going on about. £40, here it is. I am still thinking this wedding is going to be bad.

Next stop is the Salon, Where many choices of wedding attire could be hired. I sat for hours while negotiations took place this was obviously a major part of the whole wedding thing in Thailand. I must have returned to that shop 5 times before Saow was happy. Still I felt happy this part was receiving a lot of attention to detail, which is more than can be said for the cake or the drink.

It did dawn on me at this stage that I really had no clue to what was going on. But never mind I had my Saow and we were happy.

What I needed was a bit of light relief this came when we went to a party being held at Buddha. Lights, music, food stalls many people and fireworks a very good night. The band playing on a large stage was very good. Saow said we need to talk to the band people. Oh really, yes they are doing the wedding. It turns out they are providing all the food on the evening and table, chairs and entertainment. The cost was to be 37000, quick through the math, oh no, the sums don’t add up, but I give up. I am going to look a proper dick at my own wedding , I am just glad nobody from the UK will be here to see it.

The day before the Wedding things started to happen, people arrived and took the fence down around a vacant plot of land opposite. The grass was cut. Then the first of the trucks arrives. The same stage that I had seen at Buddha was being constructed in front of me. A second small stage also arrives and is built in the middle of the street. The road has been closed for two days. An hour later the music started at a level that I can only describe as house shaking. This I was told was quite normal and lets people know where the wedding is going to be held.

No time to stop and listen, time for shopping. Vegetables and rice was needed. Much activity going on behind the house as a makeshift kitchen was constructed. This is the area where the Priests special breakfast was to be prepared. Barbecue was goes well. Late afternoon, women turned up, I was told these are the cooks, two big pigs arrived and along with all the vegetables and spices the girls start preparing the breakfast. It’s getting dark, we must have twenty people and all are very busy and look like they know exactly what they are doing. Wish I did. Time to have a drink, so I have the honor of opening the first box of whisky and me the cooks are going to drink the lot.

Midnight, time to go, what to bed, no to the salon of course. So I arrive back at the salon at 12.30am, for my bride and the two children to have the works, Hair, makeup, and get dressed in the hired outfits. I sleep in the corner. I am woken when it’s my turn. I have my hair done, and then dressed in a suit which fits well. Then my Saow came out in a full traditional Thai costume. Hair up and looking stunning. Daughter turned out the same. The little boy same outfit as me. We return to her home for an inspection by the now very happy cooks, who showed much approval.

Then the salon people arrive and start decking out the whole place in flowers the whole scene is changing into something out of a fairytale. It’s now 4 in the morning and more people to start to arrive and start putting chairs out in the middle of the road. Ribbons, Signs and banners are erected, I have a drink and sit and watch the whole thing unfold in front of me. I know we are to get married at 6 in the morning, so I go to find my bride. She is fussing over the kid’s hair. She is truly beautiful.

Now light outside many people have arrived. I spend a few minutes alone with my bride. Then it was time, the priests had arrived I follow orders and the ceremony is under way. The whole thing goes on for what seems a very long time with one ritual after another. Then it’s over and now we are married. I turn around, I was amazed to see everybody from the village had turned out. This really is a special place to get married, with the whole of the village to witness it. There’s nothing like this in England.

We get changed and returned the outfits to the salon. As we left they said make sure you are back by 4 for the second part. What second part. I cannot remember the rest of the day, but we returned to the salon for another costume change, hair, makeup. This time the transformation of my bride was magical, completely different, looking like something from a Hollywood movie we returned home. The transformation here was breath taking the street was completely covered in table and chairs and each table decked out really well. Then I saw the cake, fault less in every way and so well presented. Each table had whisky but not the whisky I had brought and pop for the kids the food was starting to be served to each table. My new wife and I had our pictures taken at each and every table. Then I sat down and found every item in front of me was the food of my choice. I looked around me at a scene I had never dreamt of and much better than I could of imagined. This could never happen in England. I am in a way happy I did not share my wedding with people from the UK with preconceived ideas about the Thai people. Following dinner the group started up and what a night we had. All the drink was needed to fuel the merriment.

The next day I settled the bill at the salon, money well spent. I settled the band who had supplied the evening food and excellent entertainment. My Thailand wedding was something very special shared with the whole village. People reading this may well point out that a Buddhist wedding is not a legal wedding at all, and really you are not married, you try telling that to the people in my village, they know as do my wife and me, we are married, a piece of paper will not keep you together. Love will and that’s what I found In Thailand.

Consider my story are Thai woman really so different to Western Woman. You bet they are and for all the right reasons. Find out for yourself, visit Thailand and see why they call it, The Land Of Smiles.

This ends Part 4 and the story Love Found in Thailand

I hope everyone enjoyed this story as much as I did. I thought it was amazing and quite a testament to what love can create. Thank you to David for sharing with us.

Check out these similar posts:

• Foreigners Getting Married in Thailand
• Getting to Know My New Thai Girlfriend
• A Story of Love Found in Thailand
• Thai Womens Expectations in Farang/Thai Marriages
• Sawasdee Kaa From Golf

Photo by Chris Robinson on Flickr

We left Buddha and returned to her brother’s house. I had something to eat. The family began to gather round and look at me. Talking between themselves I have no idea what is being said. After a while she says to me whatever you do , do not hold my hand or try to kiss me in front of my father. I thought OK, I will wait for him to go.

I was then offered a choice I could sleep here or go to the hotel I had seen on the way in. I thought if it was good enough for her it was good enough for me. So I said I would stay here. The property had two floors so I guessed the bedrooms must be upstairs. Wrong, at the back of the ground floor I could see a pile of bed linen being laid out on the floor. Her two children appear and get into bed, a boy aged 9 and a girl aged 14.

I think that’s OK, now where am I and the beautiful lady going to sleep, must be upstairs. No we are all to share the same bed, here on the concrete floor at the back of this old house. A mosquito net was placed over the makeshift bed as it was starting to get dark. Another bed was being made up by the brother for him and his wife next to the first bed.

I look at my watch 7pm, it cannot be time for bed now surely. I make my way to the bathroom, one look is enough, what am I doing here, the hotel down the road looked OK. I made the wrong choice. But I cannot leave now. The whole house is locked up, snores can be heard coming from the bed next to mine. I wash in cold water and hide my eyes when insects run across the floor the size of which I had only seen on animal programs on the telly. All thoughts of a romantic night with my beautiful Thai lady had vanished. To bed.

In the dark I could make out my vision of loveliness. But between her and me is the young boy. So I go to sleep thinking I must be crazy.

In the morning I feel terrible. What a nights sleep…the floor was so hard, and I itch, bites I have plenty. What time is it? It’s 5.30am, the doors are open light pouring in and I can hear people talking. I can see her father having something to eat. It’s time to get up. Everybody gets up at 5.00am in the country, you’re late. Time for you to have a shower. That bathroom was not a place I liked the look of, the shower, what shower. Come with me. I was shown a dustbin full of cold water, that’s the shower.

In the next 15 seconds she had stripped off and was throwing cold water everywhere, then she said to me take your clothes off and I will wash you. I told her your father is outside I have seen him, he will go mad. She takes no notice. The water is freezing but I am thinking to myself this is it I have been waiting all night for this moment. A towel is handed to me and with that she had gone. Very strange people, don’t kiss me, don’t hold my hand, but shower together is OK.

I was trying to remember what she looked like with nothing on, but it happened so fast I did not see much, trying to avoid the cold water. Still it was a promising start to the day. And if I can get her away from the family things can only get better.

I passed on breakfast. I did not recognize anything. I need the shops, OK I will take you to the town. We borrow the brother’s motorbike. I run through a list of food items I need and now all we have to do is find a shop. The small town was only a mile away at most. So where are the shops for the food I am looking for. She tells me, I do not know. What you live here. I know, but I do not come into town shopping it’s too expensive. Where do you go then. I go to the local shop. I must have missed that. I find enough food to keep me happy and we return home.

On the way back just 100 meters from her house, she says this is the shop I go to. Its looks like a normal house only outside are tables with small bags on them. She stops and buys a number of small bags costing 60 baht. I look at them, whatever is in them, I do not want. My Mars bars and Nescafe coffee from 7/11 are a great combination.

This ends Part 2 of Love Found in Thailand

Read Part 3 – Getting to Know my New Thai Girlfriend

Check out these similar posts:

• Getting to Know My New Thai Girlfriend
• A Thailand Wedding
• Khao Sarn Road

So I left early the next morning, traveled out of Bangkok for about three hours and stopped at a roadside Chicken Barbecue Cafe in the middle of nowhere. Forty five minutes stop over for a cigarette and some Chicken. I ordered my chicken and was served by a Thai woman youngish about 30. Who seemed friendly enough and spoke a little English. I was thinking to myself what nice people these Thailanders are.

When the lady came back over and asked if everything was OK, I said yes fine. I chatted to her all of five minutes and she left to serve another table. I looked at my watch fifteen minutes left. Go for a smoke outside. See the Thai lady again so I think I will pass a few minutes with her before my coach leaves. She has two children, divorced and lives nearby, there was something I liked about her. I wonder if the coach stops here on the way back, looked at my watch five minutes to go, I ask, Is there a hotel nearby I would like to spend a little time here. “Yes”.

With that I am off to see the driver, I am stopping here, Why , I want to get off. I get my case the driver thinks I am mad, nobody stops here. I watch the coach pull away and return to talk to my new friend.

You work here every day. No, only today, I am covering for a friend who is sick. I wait around until 2 when she finishes. Off we go on her motorbike, She points out the hotel but carries on and we end up at her brothers home that she shares. I am offered a drink and a seat and become the center of attraction. People appear look and then disappear. I begin to wish I had not left the coach. My friend asks me would like to see the village, yes, anything to get out of here, so off we go for a walk.

We arrive at a Buddha temple, she buys two small garlands of flowers and some incense sticks, gives half to me and I follow no idea what to do. We get down on our knees then we offer up the flowers, light the incense sticks. After a couple of minutes I get up my knees are not up to this.

Out of the corner of my eye I can see she is busy still saying her prays, I get my camera out and take a few tourist photos of the lovely setting. I turn to take the first ever picture of my friend who is still praying I look through the viewfinder to take the picture and fall in love. The strangest sensation came over me. Here I stood looking down at this vision of beauty praying. I am totally dumb struck and in shock.

This makes no sense. I don’t even know this person, but I know I want her. She gets up and we walk over to the lake to feed the fish. I try to engage her in conversation and she tells me, My mother told me I would meet my new husband this month. You told me, your mother was dead. She is, but I sleep dream and my mother spoke to me, I think she is having me on. Disbelieving I ask her did Buddha tell you the same thing, Don’t be silly Buddha does not talk to people. I have asked Buddha for a good husband with a good heart and he has given me you. So she thinks, I am her new husband. No she is convinced I am her new husband.

This ends part 1 of Love Found in Thailand

Read Part 2 – No Holding Hands, but Showering is OK

Check out these similar posts:

• Thai Dowry or Bride Price
• Thai Womens Expectations in Farang/Thai Marriages
• American and European Men Looking for A Thai Bride
• Getting to Know My New Thai Girlfriend
• Beware Multiple Simultaneous On-line Involvements with Thai Ladies

Photo by Timothy K. Hamilton on Flickr
Recently I received an email from one of my readers detailing his story of love found serendipitously in Thailand. He has kindly given me permission to post it, but I did edit to protect the names of the people involved at his request.

“I married her In November. I love her so much, the most beautiful person I have ever meet with a heart of gold. Did I meet her by chance or destiny? I do not care what the answer is, I am just happy with the out come.
Steve, this is 100% true. This is only a small part of the story, but i can go on if you wish. But I think you get the idea…I would like to write more, but some is very sad and maybe be better left unsaid…People may not be interested. But I will leave it to you.
I love your website and yes I did nominate you for the travel blog award.”

After some further emails back and forth he wrote me a detailed story of coming to Thailand and finding the Thai woman of his dreams. The story goes on to relate their meeting, courtship and eventual marriage and with his permission I want to share it with my readers here at Thailand Musings. I found it to be uplifting and wonderful, that two people from such different backgrounds can find common ground and even love in today’s world and I hope that you all enjoy it as much as I did. Personally I am so happy to receive stories like this and I wish this and his Thai bride all the love in the world.

The story was given to me in three parts, however they are a bit long and I will be breaking it up into more segments so expect something like 5-7 parts total. Please enjoy, leave comments and if you would like to contact the author please send me an email. I have agreed to forward them along.

See Part 1 of the story…My Future Thai Bride

See Part 2 of the story…No Holding Hands, Shower Is Ok

See Part 3 of the story…Getting to Know My New Thai Girlfriend

See Part 4 of the story…A Thailand Wedding

Check out these similar posts:

• Say “I Love You” and Other Thai Love Phrases
• Thai Love Phrases
• Thailand Divorce Rates (and More About Love)
• American and European Men Looking for A Thai Bride
• Contemplations of Thai Love

For the girls, the men are perceived as a good catch. European and American guys, even less affluent ones, typically have more money than Thai men. American and European guys present a Thai woman a chance to leave Thailand and visit another country. American and European guys are viewed by some Thai women as being kinder than Thai men and Thai guys have a certain notoriety for not being monogamous. Lots of Thai blokes also don’t settle down after marriage, and keep a girlfriend even though they have a bride and kids at home. So for some Thai girls, an American or European guy afford things a Thai man does not.

As you might imagine, there will be some complications in marrying a Thai bride. Language differences, cultural dissimilarities and visa concerns come immediately to my mind when considering some of the issues that Thai-Western couples may come across. Overall though a Thai bride might be a great idea for many fellows that have become disillusioned with American and European ladies. If you begin the marriage with some planning and with discretion you have a great chance of having a outstanding marriage.

To the fellows who come to Thailand searching for love and a Thai bride, I say “Best of luck”. It can occur for you, especially in this day and age of web dating and personals. It certainly did happen for me and I couldn’t be happier. To the Thai women I say Get to know this bloke slowly. In any culture, there are good and evil. Look out for warning signs, and believe in your instincts. If you have questions, they are present for a reason. Remember that money isn’t everything.

Check out these similar posts:

• Connecting with A Hot Thai Girl
• Meeting Thai Brides Online
• Dating Thai Women
• Thai Dowry or Bride Price
• Meeting Thai Singles Made Easy

This answer is only in reference to legal marriages which are carried out at the local Amphur’s in Thailand. This does not concern the traditional Thai wedding ceremony which you will also have back in your Thai fiancee’s hometown. The traditional Thai wedding is not legally recognized in Thailand or anywhere else.

Answer: Thai marriages are recognized as legal in the U.S. so there is not much difference between getting married in Thailand and getting married in the U.S. I can think of one advantage and two disadvantages to getting married in Thailand.

Advantage: If you end up getting divorced you’ll be going by Thai laws which require splitting of assets, but only those that have been gained since the marriage. Any assets you had prior to the marriage are not included. In addition, I have never heard nor read of any assets outside of Thailand being garnered. So, if you have your assets outside Thailand there is little chance they will be at risk if you get divorced.

Disadvantages: The process for getting married requires a bit of paperwork and probably about 2 days of running around Bangkok to get these documents, translations and approvals. I should probably write another post sometime detailing what is required for American citizens to get married in Thailand. The second disadvantage is if you want to get divorced you will have to return to Thailand to do so. Of course if you live in Thailand this isn’t a problem at all.

If any readers have additional insight to getting married in Thailand please let us know. I’d also like to hear if you can think of additional advantages/disadvantages to getting married in Thailand vs your home country.

Check out these similar posts:

• Thailand Marriage Process
• What Kind of Thai Girls Do Foreigners Fall in Love With?
• Thai Engagement Ceremony
• The Thai Dowry or Sin Sot – How Much is Enough?
• A Thailand Wedding

Answer: I spoke with Golf about this and she told me that for her and her friends the expectations are completely normal. Of course Thai’s do believe that Americans are all rich and we are in terms of Thai earning potential. The only way to truly dispel this is once you get married and your new Thai wife comes to the U.S. Make sure she is involved in the finances and bill paying and she will begin to see that while we Americans make a lot of money it is also much more expensive to live in the U.S.

The thing that opened Golf’s eyes the most was after she started working and interacting with working class Americans (vs the typical well off Thailand tourist). She came back from work one day and commented “Americans aren’t all rich are they?” I replied that I had been trying to tell her that and she shook her head and said “yes”, but she hadn’t really understood before. Golf still gets surprised at the cost of some things here compared to Thailand.

That aside, Thai women know that Americans and Europeans are more faithful in relationships, less abusive and more generous as a whole than their Thai counterparts. So, they expect these things, but I believe that is the reality anyway. They also know that the standard of living in America and Europe is much higher than in Thailand. So, they are seeking a better standard of living and a husband that is faithful, generous and loving. Pretty realistic I’d say.

And then I received this back:

Sounds to me that Thai women just want a reasonable married life with an appreciative husband. Like you say, pretty realistic. If fidelity, kindness, and generosity are lacking in the average Thai man, then Thai women will find American men to be much more satisfactory in this regard. Add to that our improved living standard, our mandated gender equality, the broad scope of opportunities for work and for education, then I think that the western world is very likely a big step up for many Thai woman.

Check out these similar posts:

• Thai-Farang Marriages – Do I have to Support the Whole Family?
• Thai Dowry or Bride Price
• The Thai Dowry or Sin Sot – How Much is Enough?
• Dating Thai Women
• American and European Men Looking for A Thai Bride

Answer: I want to preface my answer by saying that Golf has read it and agrees with me.

The above dowry and family support answers also apply to your question regarding parent’s views of foreign husbands. Of course the parents are concerned for their daughters and the intentions and ability of the foreigner to take care of her. They also consider Europeans and Americans to be rich, which we are in terms of the typical Thai lifestyle. Of course they are rich in other ways in my opinion, but that’s another topic entirely.

I think once you meet the parents and they see that you and your Thai girlfriend love each other much of their concern will be gone. Add to that a little bit of generosity so they see that you can take care of their daughter and her kids and you’ll be fine.

My mother-in-law hovers over me and takes care of me like a mother hen when we visit. And this is even though she speaks no English and I speak very limited Thai.

I really don’t think that the parents are much of a concern in most cases although I have heard stories of parents telling their daughter she is not allowed to marry with someone (Thai or foreigner) and the daughter will follow their wishes. In many cases this is because the parents have already arranged a marriage for their daughter which is not something you need to worry about.

If you really want her parents on your side make your trip to Thailand for at least two weeks and spend several days of that time visiting her hometown and her parents/family. Bring small gifts for everyone and take care of restaurant bills etc. while there (no one likes a cheap son-in-law). This will go a long way in furthering your case in most parents eyes and will give you some face as well which is always good in Thailand.

Check out these similar posts:

• The Thai Dowry or Sin Sot – How Much is Enough?
• Thai Dowry or Bride Price
• Why Do Thai Girls Marry Older Foreign Guys?
• Thai-Farang Marriages – Do I have to Support the Whole Family?
• Thai Engagement Ceremony

Answer:

Golf and I still do that to send money to her parents and sister. When you are married to a Thai woman you are married to her whole family. Some take it farther than others including aunts, uncles, and cousins.

As far as Golf is concerned we help her parents and occasionally her sister. For her parents it is maybe 10,000-20,000 Bt every few months and about the same for her sister. Really though when you think about it her sister is in grad school so I don’t think it’s much difference than here. Although usually it is the parents helping the student here in the US.

The thing is that for Thai culture it is the daughter’s responsibility to care for her parents and to take care of their needs especially as they get older. Keep this in perspective though. Like I said we send maybe 10,000 a month total and as you know that is a monthly salary for a Thai woman in Bangkok.

In the provinces cost are about 50% of what they are in Bangkok so 10,000 Bt in the provinces of Thailand is enough to support a Thai couple easily. Certainly I don’t think it would support you or I, but let’s face it we’re spoiled :>)

What I’m trying to say is that it is good and expected that you help the family, but you have to understand what is enough and set some limits. I was lucky in that Golf pretty much set the limits and in fact it is money from her salary that she now sends for her family.

Check out these similar posts:

• Thai Womens Expectations in Farang/Thai Marriages
• The Thai Dowry or Sin Sot – How Much is Enough?
• Thai Parents Views on Foreign Husbands
• Thai Dowry or Bride Price
• Thai Engagement Ceremony

Answer:

Touching on the Thai dowry question…it is a bit of a sticky question and although it is a bit of an old fashioned concept (and not really Thai, but imported from the Chinese) it is still expected that some dowry (or sin sot as it is known in Thai) is paid.

A bit of historical perspective…the idea of sin sot came about because of the before mentioned cultural trait of daughters caring for the parents. In a traditional Thai family the daughter lives with her parents and works on their farm until she gets married. Remember that even today Thailand is about 80% agricultural based. When the daughter got married her future husband paid a sin sot to the parents to compensate them for the loss of a worker on their farm. Typically the money was used to hire cheap labor.

Today the dowry is used mostly as a way of showing how rich the husband is and how well he will be able to take care of his new bride. If you’ve read anything about the idea of “face” in Thai culture you’ll understand that the dowry today is a way for the family to gain face in the community.

That being said, again it is necessary to understand what is necessary and what is too much. Also understand that with the rise of a more middle class Thai culture many parents choose to give the dowry money back to their daughter after the wedding and in fact it is traditional for the parents to give the gold to the daughter (dowry is typically ½ cash and ½ gold).

The amount of dowry is usually negotiated with the family (usually the mother or grandmother) by the grooms’ best friend. Of course that won’t work in your case and the negotiations would be carried out by your Thai girlfriend with input from you of course.

In the provinces the typical dowry is between 50,000 and 100,000 Bt in a Thai-Thai wedding although I know some of Golf’s friends are in the 200,000-300,000 Bt range. Keep in mind that 50-100% of this money is going back to the couple after the wedding.

Also, during the Thai wedding ceremony all of the guests come up to congratulate the couple and they hand them an envelope with cash in it. In the case of our marriage I paid 200,000 for the dowry (1/2 cash ½ gold). We got all of the gold back after the wedding, but gave her parents the money from the guests’ envelopes (~100,000 Bt) and also the 100,000 in cash to help pay for the wedding costs.

Use your common sense and don’t pay more than you can afford and certainly not more than what a yearly salary would be for your new Thai family in the provinces of Thailand. Just my opinion.

Check out these similar posts:

• Thai Dowry or Bride Price
• Thai Parents Views on Foreign Husbands
• Thai Engagement Ceremony
• Thai-Farang Marriages – Do I have to Support the Whole Family?
• Foreigners Getting Married in Thailand

I’m a tall girl from north-west of Thailand, Tak is a province where I was born. It’s not usual that Thai girl will be as tall as me but I’m proud of my height because I got this gene from my dad so I’m happy about it. I was studying at my hometown almost 10 years and then moved to Bangkok for study nursing degree. 4 more years for studied nursing and also worked like a nurse 2 years in Bangkok either Public and private hospital. I spent my sigle life for almost 25 years until I met Steve from internet, the guy who changed my life and then we decided to marry after we talked for 4 months and got a chance to meet each other. Who knows on that time the guy from cyber-world will change my life and comes to be a part of my life right now. What do you call “destiny”?

It’s not that easy at all because we both live in different country like a half world away and have to find many ways for keep in touch, oversea phone call and internet are the best way to help both of us to stay alive on that time. I have to say that, because can you imagine that when you love someone so much but can’t live with together yet…

About 8 months later Steve flew to Thailand again after spent the money for 2 trips to Thailand already, so all together 3 times in one year. But this trip much better than the other 2 because we both will have wedding ceremony in my hometown and then I will fly back to the US with him. We have a wonderful wedding in Tak with so many guest…my parents, my friends and alot of people from my village…sometime in the future I will show you for our Thai wedding photos.

We’re live together in the US since then and we both know how much we love each other and don’t want anything to make both of us far apart again. This’s how I started to stay here in the beginning…and a lot of things that I miss but I choose to do it because I’ve just wanted to stay with the guy who I love so much…I hope everyone enjoy with my real life story…

Check out these similar posts:

• Sawasdee khrap from Thailand Musings
• About Steve and Golf is Now Complete
• Foreigners Getting Married in Thailand
• We’re Back!
• A Story of Love Found in Thailand