Foreigners Getting Married in Thailand
January 5, 2008
Question: Are there any distinct advantages to marrying in Thailand vs marriage in the USA?
This answer is only in reference to legal marriages which are carried out at the local Amphur’s in Thailand. This does not concern the traditional Thai wedding ceremony which you will also have back in your Thai fiancee’s hometown. The traditional Thai wedding is not legally recognized in Thailand or anywhere else.
Answer: Thai marriages are recognized as legal in the U.S. so there is not much difference between getting married in Thailand and getting married in the U.S. I can think of one advantage and two disadvantages to getting married in Thailand.
Advantage: If you end up getting divorced you’ll be going by Thai laws which require splitting of assets, but only those that have been gained since the marriage. Any assets you had prior to the marriage are not included. In addition, I have never heard nor read of any assets outside of Thailand being garnered. So, if you have your assets outside Thailand there is little chance they will be at risk if you get divorced.
Disadvantages: The process for getting married requires a bit of paperwork and probably about 2 days of running around Bangkok to get these documents, translations and approvals. I should probably write another post sometime detailing what is required for American citizens to get married in Thailand. The second disadvantage is if you want to get divorced you will have to return to Thailand to do so. Of course if you live in Thailand this isn’t a problem at all.
If any readers have additional insight to getting married in Thailand please let us know. I’d also like to hear if you can think of additional advantages/disadvantages to getting married in Thailand vs your home country.
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Thai Womens Expectations in Farang/Thai Marriages
December 31, 2007
I would like to know more about what a Thai woman seeks in marriage abroad to a western husband. Do they have a realistic view of us, or do they subscribe to various fantasies about us?
Answer: I spoke with Golf about this and she told me that for her and her friends the expectations are completely normal. Of course Thai’s do believe that Americans are all rich and we are in terms of Thai earning potential. The only way to truly dispel this is once you get married and your new Thai wife comes to the U.S. Make sure she is involved in the finances and bill paying and she will begin to see that while we Americans make a lot of money it is also much more expensive to live in the U.S.
The thing that opened Golf’s eyes the most was after she started working and interacting with working class Americans (vs the typical well off Thailand tourist). She came back from work one day and commented “Americans aren’t all rich are they?” I replied that I had been trying to tell her that and she shook her head and said “yes”, but she hadn’t really understood before. Golf still gets surprised at the cost of some things here compared to Thailand.
That aside, Thai women know that Americans and Europeans are more faithful in relationships, less abusive and more generous as a whole than their Thai counterparts. So, they expect these things, but I believe that is the reality anyway. They also know that the standard of living in America and Europe is much higher than in Thailand. So, they are seeking a better standard of living and a husband that is faithful, generous and loving. Pretty realistic I’d say.
And then I received this back:
Sounds to me that Thai women just want a reasonable married life with an appreciative husband. Like you say, pretty realistic. If fidelity, kindness, and generosity are lacking in the average Thai man, then Thai women will find American men to be much more satisfactory in this regard. Add to that our improved living standard, our mandated gender equality, the broad scope of opportunities for work and for education, then I think that the western world is very likely a big step up for many Thai woman.
Popularity: 37% [?]
Thai Parents Views on Foreign Husbands
December 30, 2007
Question: I assume it would be natural for Thai parents to have some legitimate concerns about a foreign guy marrying their daughter. Can you provide your insight about this?
Answer: I want to preface my answer by saying that Golf has read it and agrees with me.
The above dowry and family support answers also apply to your question regarding parent’s views of foreign husbands. Of course the parents are concerned for their daughters and the intentions and ability of the foreigner to take care of her. They also consider Europeans and Americans to be rich, which we are in terms of the typical Thai lifestyle. Of course they are rich in other ways in my opinion, but that’s another topic entirely.
I think once you meet the parents and they see that you and your Thai girlfriend love each other much of their concern will be gone. Add to that a little bit of generosity so they see that you can take care of their daughter and her kids and you’ll be fine.
My mother-in-law hovers over me and takes care of me like a mother hen when we visit. And this is even though she speaks no English and I speak very limited
I really don’t think that the parents are much of a concern in most cases although I have heard stories of parents telling their daughter she is not allowed to marry with someone (Thai or foreigner) and the daughter will follow their wishes. In many cases this is because the parents have already arranged a marriage for their daughter which is not something you need to worry about.
If you really want her parents on your side make your trip to
Popularity: 11% [?]
Thai-Farang Marriages - Do I have to Support the Whole Family?
December 30, 2007
Question: My USAF friend who married a Thai woman once told me “when you marry a Thai, you wind up supporting all of her relatives back home”. What’s the reality?
Answer:
Golf and I still do that to send money to her parents and sister. When you are married to a Thai woman you are married to her whole family. Some take it farther than others including aunts, uncles, and cousins.
As far as Golf is concerned we help her parents and occasionally her sister. For her parents it is maybe 10,000-20,000 Bt every few months and about the same for her sister. Really though when you think about it her sister is in grad school so I don’t think it’s much difference than here. Although usually it is the parents helping the student here in the
The thing is that for Thai culture it is the daughter’s responsibility to care for her parents and to take care of their needs especially as they get older. Keep this in perspective though. Like I said we send maybe 10,000 a month total and as you know that is a monthly salary for a Thai woman in
In the provinces cost are about 50% of what they are in
What I’m trying to say is that it is good and expected that you help the family, but you have to understand what is enough and set some limits. I was lucky in that Golf pretty much set the limits and in fact it is money from her salary that she now sends for her family.
Popularity: 11% [?]
The Thai Dowry or Sin Sot - How Much is Enough?
December 30, 2007
Question: The concept of dowry in Thailand is really wild! I have read much groaning about this, however I am a realist. I don’t know if I like it or not, but I must smile and deal with it. But, how is the amount settled upon?
Answer:
Touching on the Thai dowry question…it is a bit of a sticky question and although it is a bit of an old fashioned concept (and not really Thai, but imported from the Chinese) it is still expected that some dowry (or sin sot as it is known in Thai) is paid.
A bit of historical perspective…the idea of sin sot came about because of the before mentioned cultural trait of daughters caring for the parents. In a traditional Thai family the daughter lives with her parents and works on their farm until she gets married. Remember that even today
Today the dowry is used mostly as a way of showing how rich the husband is and how well he will be able to take care of his new bride. If you’ve read anything about the idea of “face” in Thai culture you’ll understand that the dowry today is a way for the family to gain face in the community.
That being said, again it is necessary to understand what is necessary and what is too much. Also understand that with the rise of a more middle class Thai culture many parents choose to give the dowry money back to their daughter after the wedding and in fact it is traditional for the parents to give the gold to the daughter (dowry is typically ½ cash and ½ gold).
The amount of dowry is usually negotiated with the family (usually the mother or grandmother) by the grooms’ best friend. Of course that won’t work in your case and the negotiations would be carried out by your Thai girlfriend with input from you of course.
In the provinces the typical dowry is between 50,000 and 100,000 Bt in a Thai-Thai wedding although I know some of Golf’s friends are in the 200,000-300,000 Bt range. Keep in mind that 50-100% of this money is going back to the couple after the wedding.
Also, during the Thai wedding ceremony all of the guests come up to congratulate the couple and they hand them an envelope with cash in it. In the case of our marriage I paid 200,000 for the dowry (1/2 cash ½ gold). We got all of the gold back after the wedding, but gave her parents the money from the guests’ envelopes (~100,000 Bt) and also the 100,000 in cash to help pay for the wedding costs.
Use your common sense and don’t pay more than you can afford and certainly not more than what a yearly salary would be for your new Thai family in the provinces of
Popularity: 22% [?]
