Question: I know virtually nothing about Buddhist teachings. I was raised in a Roman Catholic family, even attended Catholic schools for my first nine grades. However, Christianity never took root, so if anything I would consider myself an animist. Is there a steep learning curve for living with a Buddhist wife?

Answer: I didn’t experience any learning curve at all as Golf didn’t expect that I would become a Buddhist. I do of course have a healthy curiosity so I’ve learned a bit, but it hasn’t been an issue in our house at all. If Golf wants to pray she simply does so.

We have been to a nearby temple and I think that would be helpful if your girlfriend is very religious, but it seems to me that it’s not necessary. Unlike Christian’s Buddhists don’t have to go to temple every week or anything like that. They will go for big religious holidays or if they have something specific they want to pray for or to ask for the monks blessing.

I have even suggested we go to the temple or get a small spirit house and Golf has declined saying it’s not necessary. She has told me that she can pray anywhere at anytime and no special trappings are necessary.

So, unless your Thai girlfriend insists you don’t have to learn anything at all about Buddhism and it shouldn’t affect the relationship at all.

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Question: Exactly how and when to get engaged is not clear to me. Is this simply between the man and woman, or is it customary for the bride’s parents to be involved?

Answer: It is definitely customary for the bride’s parents to be involved in the engagement, however a Thai engagement is much different from what we are used to in the west. Thai’s have a ceremony for the engagement which is called thong mun in Thai. This literally means “gold giving” and that is exactly what the ceremony is, the prospective groom gives gold to his fiancee.

Thai’s do not typically give diamond rings as a promise of engagement, but have historically given gold instead. Of course, almost every foreigner that I know how is engaged or married to a Thai girl has given her girl a diamond ring and the ladies really seem to like it. So, you may want to go with both.

The engagement ceremony is normally attended by friends and family and can be done in advance of the wedding ceremony or can even be done right before the marriage ceremony. When giving the gold it must be an even number of baht (a baht is the unit of measure for Thai gold. One baht = 1/2 troy ounce). The gold is usually in the form of necklace or bracelet.

I hope this was helpful and wish you all the best with your Thai girlfriend or fiancee.

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With the new year upon us here in the west it puts me in mind of the Thai New Year which is known as the Songkran Festival or Water Festival. Thailand has a different calendar than the Gregorian calendar we use in the West and the traditional Thai New Year and Songkran festival falls on April 13th to the 15th.

Historically Songkran was a time to visit and pay respect to elders. A symbolic small amount of scented water would be poured on the elders hands or shoulders as a cleaning practice. In recent times all but the most traditional of people have forgone this practice.

Among Thai’s Songkran is still a time to visit family and friends and many Thai’s will return to their hometown for this festival. In addition, it is considered to be a time for cleansing. The cleansing is thought to bring prosperity and good luck for the new year. People do this by throwing water on Buddha images and also on each other! As I’m sure you can imagine this is the best and most fun aspect of Songkran!

If you have the good fortune to be in Thailand during Songkran you’ll see that everyone gets into the action. Buckets, water bottles and squirt guns of all sizes are used to douse as many people as possible with water. Of course it is all in fun and if you gently tell someone “mai na khrap” they will generally leave you alone.

During the day you will see trucks roaming the streets full of people and water barrels literally drenching people as they drive by. I have been splashed by groups of children as I ride by on my motorbike, by men in suits, by old ladies and even by the girl behind the counter at the 7-11. You’re not safe anywhere, but it all in good fun and everyone laughs and has a great time!

Bangkok is typically quite deserted during Songkran as everyone has left to visit their homes. The biggest (and longest) celebration of Songkran is in the north in Chiang Mai where they have beautiful parades, a Miss Songkran pagent and Songkran has been known to go on for weeks if not the entire month of April. Celebrations in the northeast or Issan region or Thailand are also very lively as many of Bangkok’s citizens come from Issan originally.

While Songkran is observed in other parts of SE Asia such as Myanmar, Laos and Cambodia, nowhere has it gained the reputation and size like it has in Thailand. If you’re planning a trip to Thailand around March/April I highly recommend that you stay for Songkran Festival, I know you won’t regret it!

Has anyone else experienced Songkran Festival outside of Bangkok? I haven’t yet and I would love to hear from you what it was like so please leave a comment.

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I hope that English is not unusually difficult for a Thai person to learn, especially when motivated. Are there special courses available for this here in the US, or is it more efficient for the woman to attend English classes in Thailand?

Answer: Have you tried to learn any Thai yet? If you have you will know how difficult it is. English is just as hard for a Thai person to learn in my experience. The languages are so completely different that it is impossible to form a common frame of reference. Grammar, sentence structure and etymology for the languages are so far apart that there is no common reference like there would be for you and I learning a Romance language or for a Thai person learning an Asian language. It may be getting better for younger Thai’s as English is now taught from a young age at many of the Thai schools.

I am not aware of any special classes available here specifically for Thai’s, however you can find ESL classes at your local universities usually and there are other non-profit’s that do ESL tutoring. Check with your local United Way agency or Literacy Council in your area.

The best way is to have your girlfriend start taking classes now in Thailand, practice speaking as much as possible and then take more classes here in the U.S. Of course the best way to learn is by actual practice and while Golf’s English was already pretty good, she made the best progress once she started working here in the U.S. and interacting everyday with native English speakers.

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This is the first in a series of posts answering questions that were posed to me by an American man who met a Thai girl on a Thai internet dating site. Hopefully these will be of help to others in the same or a similar situation.

Question: I asked about my Thai girlfriend’s work and learned that she works a 40 hour week. But I think she said her income was 10,000 Baht per month. That seems impossibly low to me. Can this be true?

Answer: Yes 10,000 Bt a month is a typical salary for many jobs in Bangkok. In fact, those without a college degree can expect less. For perspective, Golf is a Registered Nurse and was making 16,000 Bt (~US$500) a month at one of the better international hospitals. The nurses’ aides there were making 7000-8000 Bt a month I think. Seems impossible to you and I and it would be impossible for you and I, but Thai’s have different expectations. It is fine for them to spend 2000-3000 for a studio apartment with no air-con and eat from street vendors for most meals. Many women (and guys) in Thailand are living like this. Street vendor meals can be had for as little as 20-30 Bt. I know on 16,000 a month Golf still had money for a monthly trip to the beach or back north to her parents. Thailand can be REALLY cheap if you know what you’re doing. If you’re willing to sacrifice a bit even you and I could probably get by on 25,000 Bt a month (I wouldn’t really want to try now though – maybe when I was 23 y/o).

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As I said in a previous post you’ll want to learn at least a small amount of Thai words for food unless you plan on eating Pad Thai and fried rice for your entire stay in Thailand. I like pad thai and fried rice as much as the next person, but not everyday for weeks.

Thai food words:

Rice = Kao

Shrimp = goong

Pork = moo

Chicken = gai

Beef = neua

Duck = bped

Watermelon = tangmo

Pineapple = subparod

Coconut = ma-prao

Orange = som

Lime = ma-now

Banana = gluoy

Speaking Thai in the restaurant:

Boiled Rice = Kao Tom

Thai Spicy Grilled Beef = Neua Naam Tok

Chicken with rice = khao mun khai

Omelette = kai jee-o

Fried Vegetables = pad pak

Tomato Chili with Pork = Naam Prik Oog

Chicken cook in Spicy Basil = Khapraew Gai

Papaya Spicy Salad = som tum

Fried Chicken Wings = Peek Gai tod

Chicken Fried with Cashew Nuts = kai phat met mamuang himmaphan

Spicy Lemongrass Soup with Shrimp = tom yum goong

Coconut Soup with Soybeans = Lon Dtao Jieow

Red Pork with rice = khao moo dang

Eat here = gin tee nee

Take away = glub baan

Clear the table please = geb jaan khrap/ka

Hopefully this selection of Thai words will make your stay in the Kingdom of Thailand a little more palatable. There are so many delicious foods to be eaten that you definitely want to experience as much as possible and by learning a little bit of the language you’ll be able to get away from the same same dishes that all the tourists to Thailand are eating.

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Jai yen literally means ‘cool heart‘. In a country that’s 95% Theravada Buddhist, jai yen is the preferred approach to any situation. If a cop pulls you over and sticks you for a bribe, jai yen dictates that you pay it to avoid an unpleasant scene. If someone cuts you off in traffic, you shrug your shoulders and suppress your natural urge to run the guy into a ditch. Jai yen. For Buddhists, an emotionally moderate, non-confrontational approach to life will bring its reward when you are reborn. Practice jai yen, and you may come back as a demi-god; get a little hot under the collar and you may find your new, single-celled self bobbing on the surface of a sewage treatment plant in Bang Saphan.

One of the defining qualities of Thai people is the fact that they rarely show strong emotion in public. You’ll find that it takes quite a lot to make a Thai lose his/her temper and if they do it is a very serious matter. If you’ve done something to make a Thai person lose their temper with you I suggest you immediately attempt to either diffuse the situation or remove yourself from the situation.

As westerners in Thailand we should strive to make ourselves jai yen at all times and never show a loss of temper in public. To a Thai losing your temper, or rather outwardly showing any display of anger, is considered crude and extremely bad manners. I can personally attest that some of the worst arguments Golf and I have had were not for things considered typical in the west, but rather came from situations where I lost my temper in public. By not remaining jai yen I caused myself loss of face and by extension she experienced loss of face as well.

This frame of mind is sometimes difficult for westerners because open displays of anger are viewed very differently in the west. Open confrontation is not only accepted, but can be considered desirable in some situations. In the west people who conceal their emotions are often considered underhanded or somehow not to be trusted. We base our readings of people on how they react in various situations. A cold and detached demeanor gives us nothing to “read” a person by and thus leads to a perception that the person has something to hide, distrust and a tendency to avoid that person.

As an example, the typical response of a westerner to poor service or poor performance would be to confront the offending person and look for some type of correction. The feeling would be that not only will we have the situation corrected for ourselves, but would hopefully prevent future occurrences of the same problem. Not so for a Thai person in the same situation. The likely Thai response to any mistake or perceived problem is not a confrontation, but rather to display jai yen and shrug off the problem or annoyance. A common response to problems in Thailand is mai bpen rai which literally means “not-exist-anything” or never mind, it doesn’t matter. This avoids any need to display anger or confrontation and maintains face for all involved.

So, when in Thailand do as the Thai’s and jai yen yen, calm down please. Take it easy and don’t let things that are beyond your control get you upset. You’ll be viewed in a much more positive light by the Thai’s and I’ll bet you’ll be happier too. After just a short time you’ll find that it is much less stressful to let things slide a bit and relax over the little things in your life. Rod tid mak (traffic very bad)…mai bpen rai. Appointment/meeting/dinner/train late….mai bpen rai. Focus on the things you have control over and let the rest take care of itself. You’ll be much more relaxed and happy in the long run.

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“Wan Pen Deuan Sip Song
Naam Koh Nong Dtem Taling
Rao Tanglai Chai Ying
Sanook Ganjing Wan Loy Krathong
Loy Loy Krathong
Loy Loy Krathong,
Loy Krathong Gan Laew
Koh Chern Nong Kaew
Ook Ma Ram Wong
Ram Wong Wan Loy Krathong
Ram Wong Wan Loy Krathong
Boon Ja Song Hai Rao Sook Jai
Boon Ja Song Hai Rao Sook Jai…”

I still remember this song since I was a child because just like a popular song that Thai teacher will teach you when you’re young. And we will hear it more often when the Loy Krathong Day is coming. Loy Krathong Day is an important day for Thai people that they follow this old tradition from an ancient Sukhothai tradition. Normally it will start around the middle of November or so because it is the season that will have a lot of water and make the river up higher. Each year we will have Loy Krathong on the night of the full moon in the 12th lunar month. And this year Loy Krathong day will be on the 24th night of November.

Loy means “to float” and Krathong refers to “the things that made for floating” and originally they will make the Krathong from banana leaves and trunk. So all together Loy Krathong is the tradition of floating banana leaf vessel. The Krathong will also be decorated with flowers, candles, joss sticks and coins. At the present everything changed because people like to be more convenient, so they try to use something to replace Krathong from banana leaves like foam, synthetic material, bread etc. So you will see Krathong isn’t made from banana leaves for everyone. Just for a few that they still conserve Krathong from banana leaves.

The only thing that still didn’t change is the aim of people who come for Loy Krathong. Most of them have an expression of gratitude to the goddess of water (Phra Mae KongKa) because it is used by people for a lot of things. They also believe that Krathong carrys all their bad luck away. So usually they will cut their hair and nails and put them in Krathong before floating (just like clean yourself for start and prepare for the new thing coming into your life). Also they will make a wish before Loy Krathong, the most popular is about couples and lovers who will make a wish to stay together through their lifetime. And also some they will watch how far that Krathong can float on the river until it sinks because the length of time the light from the candle burns will signify longevity.

Kind of disappointing for me and Steve because this trip to Thailand we will back to the U.S. on that night so we won’t have much time to enjoy this celebration. But I already told him that at least we will have 2-3 hours for Loy Krathong together. And then we will make a wish for our Krathong…

Have you ever been to Thailand for Loy Krathong yet?

Maybe after we get back we will show you some pictures from Loy Krathong in Bangkok!

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No matter what language you are learning from Arabic to English to Thai it is vitaly important that you know how to counting. Numbers are so important for everyday life that this should be something you learn very early and practice until you make it completely natural so you can count without thinking about it.

Fortunately counting in Thai is really simple. It is based on 10′s and multiples of tens so once you learn how to count from 1-10 in Thai you can easily build upon that. Here are the number in Thai from 0 to 10:

0 – soon
1 – nung
2 – song
3 – sarm
4 – see
5 – haa
6 – hok
7 – djet
8 – bat
9 – gao
10 – sip

Counting above ten is really simple too, since in Thai we just add the numbers together so you would continue like this:

11 – sip et
12 – sip song
13 – sip sarm
14 – sip see
…
20 – yee sip
21 – yee sip et
22 – yee sip song
23 – yee sip sarm
…
30 – sarm sip
31 – sarm sip et
…
40 – see sip
50 – haa sip
60 – hok sip
70 – djet sip
80 – bat sip
90 – gao sip
100 – nung roy

Once you get to one hundred you can just add the lower number following so 100 is nung roy and 121 is nung roi, yee sip et and 550 would be haa roy, haa sip and 999 would be gao roy, gao sip, gao (literally nine hundred, ninety, nine just like in English).

Just start by practicing 0 to 10 anytime you can. I used to do it to count reps in the gym, but really you can count 0-10 for a lot of things in your everyday life. After a week or so it should be pretty natural and you can start to count larger numbers. Before long you’ll be able to put Thai numbers to anything.

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I woke up at 5 o’clock in this morning with my eyes still closed…tired, have to push myself so hard because I want to go to the gym. Steve has to be at work before 6 so I just need him to drop me at the gym first and then I can go back to nap again later.

One thing (from a lot of things) that different between Thailand and here is “size”. Yes,size…

I grew up with the size that different from Thai women size. What is the Thai women size look like? Hmm…mostly for Thai women will have the average height around 5′ to 5’5″, most of them thin and also small but for me is 174 centimeters or 5’8″. And do you know seem like I’m the tallest one in my nursing class on that time. So when I stay with my Thai girl friends I will be a lot different from them.

The problem was when I went to shopping either with them or by myself I have to pray for myself…please have my size for these sexy dress, please let me fit with these Jeans or those cute pants something like that. One good thing is I’m not a fat girl so not that difficult for me for find my size at least sometimes anyway. Still for my clothes size will be “large” or “extra-large”, once a while will be lucky with medium but just occasionally.

First few weeks since I got here, Steve said I need to get the coats and some clothes for wintertime. Ok, I said because I think it would be nice and can see what and how is the shopping mall in here look like. After we’re done with choosing process and then I have to try them on. Steve asked me what size do you want to try on Golf? For me no need to think though because I know my size. So I told him right away “extra large” or at least “large” honey. But you know what…make me surprise a lot! Because they’re too loose and for finally I ended up with smaller size!!! OMG

I couldn’t believe on that time, I called and talked to my friends. They laughed so hard and said if they come over here they might have to wear the kid size. ;-D

I had the conversations with some of my friends at work. And I brought this story up while we talked because I wanted to know what and how do they think about it. Most of them had exactly the same idea that because people in here, a lot of them are overweight and big so that’s why they have to produce the size of the clothes similar to the size of people in here.

Hmm ok, I got it…but what if they have to travel to Thailand then what ‘s going to happen?

In Thailand we don’t have so many places where we can drive through just like in here. We don’t have McDonald’s drive through, the banks drive through or Starbucks drive through etc. Every place we need to go and get the service from we need to walk in and not so convenient like this. Well, we have the delivery for some, but still not as good as drive through. And I like it a lot…but sometime I think it’s too much. Because when you can get every things so easy and so convenient, you will getting lazy and for finally don’t want to do anything.

Just my idea…

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