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I know many of you that have found Thailand Musings are interested in Thai girls and how to find a Thai bride of your own. After being married to a wonderful Thai girl for over 3 years I can understand your interest in Thai girls. Read more about my Thai bride.
Recently I received two comments in response to the post Why Do Thai Girls Marry Older Foreign Guys which I want to share with all of you. The fact that comments were left was not unusual (it is currently one of the most commented posts on Thailand Musings), but what was unusual was the source. These comments were left by a 37 year old Thai girl and she talks about why Thai girls get together with foreigners from HER perspective. I thought this was great and provides a unique perspective for us Westerners into the thinking of the Thai female.
In fact, I thought the comments were so insightful and useful I wanted to make sure they were read by the greatest number of TM visitors. So I sent an email to Pass (the comment author) and asked her permission to post these comments on their own. She graciously consented (thank you Pass!) and so here they are for your enjoyment and edification. I hope that all of you find them as intriguing and enlightening as I did.
Comment #1
I am not a member of Thailovelinks but I have use FF., at there I met both {good} guy and bad western guy. I met nice guy (American) who visit me in Thailand last year, he is so nice but because of many reason we decided to be a good friend even we like each other so much. This year I met a British who is working in Thailand almost 3 years we still have the relationship but I don’t think we will have a nice ending. Both of them are older than me over 20 years. Sure in internet date must have the bad guy who wants your money or etc. as you know I have bad experienced but I too tried to tell you here.
Even I am not yet success with the western guy but I never stop to look for because I don’t prefer with Thai guy with the same reason with the other Thai girl who are deny Thai guy. Too much girls even have no performance to take care their family, selfish and try to be a leader even have no performance, not open mind etc.
But I don’t mean the western guys are excellent I also see some so stupid and really bad guy too. But my style is not similar to Thai guy anymore. I married with Thai guy 3 years before divorce , what’s I have after left him , just a debt and it’s not belong to me but I have to pay because of my believe in him (so pooring myself) no more with Thai guy.
Right now I use the service of Matchmaker company in Thailand but still not yet success but at least I can meet the nice guy even just be friends and here is more safety.
Find for true love is hard but I still try to find, once I will meet the right one.
Pass
Comment #2
I write again after reading all the comments, I can separate 2 types of opinions:
1) Thinking Thai girls marry with older foreigner because money.
2) Not base on money.
I am Thai girl with 37 years, divorced from Thai guy. I have the western guy and I will tell you the fact.
Both of your opinions are true, in this world have 2 types, good and bad peoples. Same there are bad Thai girl and good girl.
Thai girl who marry with foreigner they have their reason:
1) Concern to money, can separate two type
1.1 A poor girl in some place of Thailand , they really want money for their living life, they will do everything that you want for marry you because they want your support. And love will come the second reason. (almost of them low education). This type of girl is not expect just for the foreigner guy they also expect Thai rich guy but it’s more difficult to get because of high class Thai guy just a small group and they deny such girl since first.
1.2 An education girl, not poor, like me I have master degree I have high income I can take care myself. But I too tired with Thai guy, I have a western guy but I never ask them for money. But I don’t prefer a poor guy because I don’t want to support them. I want they can take care himself and help me sometime in emergency only. But don’t forget it’s very difficult in everywhere if you have no money. (this type of girl wants the nice life not only expect in your money).
2) Bad experience with Thai guy then interest in foreigner. This group of girls had marry or Thai boyfriend but upset because of many reasons then try with the different. And you have to know Thailand is conservative culture and also selfish too. It’s very difficult to get accept from Thai guy for divorced Thai girl. Because of Thai guy prefer virgin girl. And also the social quite not accept divorced girl. That’s why better with foreigner.
3) Too high education, high qualification for Thai guy can accept. This opinion may be get lots bad comment back from Thai guy who can not accept for the high performance of girl. Ha ha ha, right now Thai girls have high education and good work, income more than Thai guy. And they don’t want to get husband likes just brother or subordinate. So if they can not get the good qualification guy better be alone. And also Thai guy are not prefer a girl who high performance or clever than them. So the best this type of girl interest in the older foreigner who has high position or owner their business.
Above just my opinion may be right or wrong but I see Thai society from Thai vision. Welcome your opinion just write for share.
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Thanks, interesting comments..
About 3), I have heard this many times from Thai women and I believe it’s true. Thai society has quite a lot of unwritten rules for what is acceptable and individuality is not really encouraded. I think many smart Thai women discover that they can express themselves more freely without being judged, with a foreigner.
Hi all
Thanks Pass for your ideas on this subject. While I have been partners with my Thai girlfriend for a year and a half, and have been to Thailand many times, I have a lot to learn about Thai women and Thai culture. It is wonderful that so many Thai women pursue a high level of education, although it is difficult for them to all find professional jobs which match their education. My girlfriend has both a Degree in Business and a Law Degree and dearly wants to work as a lawyer. Still, she cannot apply for work as a lawyer in my home country of Australia, as her degrees are not recognised here. I entirely respect her ability and high qualifications and hope she can succeed in whatever she chooses to do.
I think Thai woman are among some of the most beautiful in the world, and the ones I have dates were very intelligent as well. One of the things I admire most about the Thai women I have met is that they are very family orientated. Having once been divorced by a western woman who decided she wanted a different man after 10 years of marriage and 2 children together. She even said she was treated wonderfully and had everything she wanted, except she decided she preferred black men now and had left me , taking a large amount of money without saying a word or having it awarded in a divorce.
‘Why did I expose all of this here, now? Because I know of a few men who married Thai women only to have them divorce them and leave with as much as they can take after the mandatory 2 years marriage is met that is required for them to continue to live in the United States and keep their greenCards. This scares me. These men said their women were wonderful and perfect, they thought, and they carried on a false front until the 2 year mark, and then they left.
I do not wish to marry to divorce again. I have plenty of money, yes, but that does not mean I want to give it away to someone who doesnt want to be with me.
Ive also heard stories of their Thai wife demanding they keep sending money back to her parents, siblings, cousins, friends, and more. One person I know said it was costing him over 5000 a month . If he didnt pay, his wife would treat him horribly and do nothing for him. He finally divorced her.
So as you can see, it is very hard to follow my heart because my brain tells me it could turn out very bad. I would love to marry a Thai woman, but with these types of stories its just so hard to move past friendship. Just how can one know to the best of their ability, that they are not marrying you for financial reasons and could care less about you or a life long relationship. Would a Thai woman sign a Prenup?
Dan,
I don’t think that there is anyway to be completely safe in a relationship if you’re not with the right woman. There will always be women looking for a free ride, no matter if you marry American, Thai or any other nationality for that matter. Honestly though I think many of the stories about Thai girls you read about are printed for sensationalism. Look around you at American women and tell me that they are any better. No one wants to marry just to be divorced later, but your chances with a Thai girl are much better and partially because of the one reason you’ve already mentioned…they are very family oriented. Contrast that with American women who in my opinion are quite selfish and looking out only for their own well being. The current divorce rate in America is between 40% and 50% depending on whose statistics are being reported! In contrast, the Thai divorce rate is somewhere between 10-12%. Huge difference!
Having been married myself with 2 children I can say that my children were negatively impacted by the divorce and if my ex-wife truly had their best interests at heart she would have done whatever was necessary to continue in the marriage at least until the children were grown. Like your ex-wife mine was also treated wonderfully, however her reason for ending the marriage was that she loved me, but wasn’t in love with me. I am intelligent enough to appreciate the difference, but no effort was made on her part to continue in the marriage once she made this decision.
Yes there are stories of guys sending thousands a month to their wives family back in Thailand, but whose fault is this? The guys agree and follow blindly along. I am not saying that you should never send money because I know that in Thai culture the youngest daughter is responsible for providing for the parents, but in reality it is often the most well off. Golf and I send money to her parents occasionally and also to her sister who is completing her masters degree. I would do the same thing if my wife was American, German or any nationality. This type of sharing is quite common for Thai’s and I am sure if we were struggling that Golf’s parents and sister would do everything they could to help us. Golf also works, so it is not my money that is being shared, it is our money.
In any relationship you can get burned by following your heart, that’s just the way it is. You can only be so careful and if you choose to pursue a relationship then trust is going to enter the equation. Only you can answer the question of why your girlfriend is with you. If you trust that it is for the right reasons then all should be fine.
Regarding the pre-nup, yes you can get one, yes they are legal in Thailand and whether or not she would sign depends on the girl
In any case, any pre-marriage assets are not supposed to be included in a divorce settlement according to Thai law.
I am planing to go to vacation to Thailand
but my question is where is the best place to go in order to find the high class girls in Thailand someone who really care about you and not your money ?
any advice?
It’s more like where not to go. Start by avoiding Nana Plaza, Soi Cowboy and Patpong in Bangkok. Avoid any of the tourist destinations such as Pattaya, Phuket and Samui. Outside the tourist areas is by far the best place to start, however you should know that most hi-so girls aren’t really interested in dating farang, especially those just in Thailand on vacation. Would you start up a relationship with someone who’s just visiting your city for 2 weeks?
That’s not to say that you can’t find someone to start a relationship with, but it definitely hurts your chances if you’re simply in Thailand on vacation.
Have you been to Thailand before and can you speak some of the language? That will definitely help since you’ll then be able to at least start a simple conversation with any girls you might meet.
I think there is a misconception which has been wildly blown out of proportion by the internet that Thai girls are only after foreign guys money. You know the old “walking ATM” theory. While this may apply in tourist areas, this simply isn’t true once your outside the tourist spots, or at least it’s no more true than girls anywhere else. Bottom line is yes they will be somewhat interested in your financial and career situation no mater what because they are looking for stability and someone that can provide for them. This is no different than women anywhere.
I hope this helps a bit. You can always try meeting someone online before you go. ThaiLoveLinks is good for this as are many of the social sites like Hi5 and Facebook.
So ive been speaking with this thailand girl, for what would seem a month, our birthdays are in the same month.She is only one year younger then me, her fav color is my fav color also. Sure i wonder about stuff, i know i stated my fav color first but she stated her birthday first.
I like how i havent heard here say any bad words and i asked about that. She stated it was rude for a lady to say those type of words. Well heck i love that a proper female, thats what i need.
UMm i dont think i have asked my ? yet, iam working to that. During our first few weeks of chatting i have asked has she ever left thailand and the answer was no, and stated she would never leave. Now time has gone by, and well we have set a date, if we are still getting along and feeling like we do, I would go to thailand.
Now umm iam 28, cant say that i have achived much in life, cought a few charges, no felony’s, no house, rent, got some bills ( doesnt everyone), pick out my suv recently, and dropped 23k (usd) haha uncle sam. Job depends, nuthin really offical with how the USA economy has been the last few years. umm so i wonder is it dumb of me for considering that i might have found a soul mate, so far away? dumb of me to consider moving to thailand and staying? dumb of me for considering getting my suv shipped ( erh i wonder cost) umm i hope someone reads all this and has some other idea that i havent thought of. Umm havent finshed college cause of my charges got me house aresst for a year and 7k out of my pocket, had to drop out of school.
Wonder what i would do over there, oh and the area is bangkok
just need some info here big step for someone so young no ?
Big step for anyone of any age man. You can see from some of my blog posts that I’ve been planning our move for over 3 years and still gonna wait 2 more years…even then, things could be tight depending. On the bright side I think 28 is a great age to head off to Thailand, if you know what you’re getting into. Even though many have made the leap blindly, it’s not what I would recommend.
It’s great that you’ve found someone who is your soul mate…I found the same thing and my life hasn’t been the same since. However that doesn’t stop the day to day and a relationship like this takes quite a bit of thought and planning to make it work. Same birthday, same favorite color…meh..that’s nothing to build a relationship on. It does seem like the two of you get along well though. Let me ask you this…have you ever been to Thailand? Ever even been out of the U.S.? I have to ask because if you haven’t you are gonna be in for a shock the first time you arrive in Bangkok.
The Thai government doesn’t allow foreigners to do much in the way of work in Thailand. Read the article I just wrote and that’s about it, unless you want to start your own business, which many have done successfully and many more have done spectacularly unsuccessfully. There’s a saying that floats around…don’t invest more in Thailand than you’re willing to lose. Well, it applies to starting a business anywhere really, but it bears repeating in the case of Thailand because for some reason people see the Kingdom as a paradise and somehow get the idea that nothing can fail there. It can and if you don’t know how to run a business properly it will. So, your choices will be teach English, find a job working an oil rig, or somehow build an online income.
I wouldn’t worry about the debt thing and run ins with the law (if it was a felony that would be different). The legal transgressions are in the past and you can pay off the debt. I’m in much the same boat…no house, rent, some bills, etc. Proper planning my friend will see the bills gone, will see my savings increase, will see my online income increase and will eventually see me in Thailand. You can do this too, but obviously it takes time to put everything in line properly and it also takes a great deal of focus. I have my focus because I am passionate about Thailand, have been since my first visit there in 1997.
My suggestion (and it’s just a suggestion) would be to take a trip to Thailand and meet this girl. Spend at least a few weeks with her and see how you get on. If you still feel the same about moving to Thailand after that then start to get a plan together. Pay off your debt. Put some savings together. Decide what you want to do to make money while living in Thailand. If it’s teaching then I strongly recommend going back to school and finishing your degree. If it’s oil rig work find out how to get contacts in that field. If it’s online work get started at that. Make a plan, don’t just jump ship. Thailand at 32 or even 34 or 35 is still better than no Thailand at all, if you really want to live there.
I forgot to mention…if you’ve never been to Thailand you have no idea about the temptations that await you regarding the girls. Well, maybe you have some idea, but truthfully whatever you read or see on the internet pales in comparison with the reality. Are you willing to forego all of that for this girl? Well, you’ll never know until you make the trip and see for yourself, huh?
One other thing…even though this girl says she’ll never leave Thailand that could change. My wife said the same thing. I married her anyway and headed off back to the States. Less than a week after getting back I received a tearful call from her asking how she could get her visa to come and live here. Reality makes people change what they thought they would do.
About the SUV…forget it. You know they drive on the left in Thailand and the steering wheel is on the right? Anyway, there’s no need for a car in Bangkok.
I’m a malaysian but not a muslim. Just looking at the rate of foreigners getting married to thais is much better then seeing the foreigners getting married to muslim girls in malaysia n changing their silly names to mohammed Peter or whatever. I’ve been travelling to Bangkok many times and have been living there since mid 2008. Seen a lot of thai girls with many elderly foreign men and i believe that many of them live in poverty. The best thing a foreign men can give to the local girls is love, care and support as most of them requires help, however do be prepared to help the entended family as well as this is one of their requirements if u happen to be a rich farang. If u do oblige in all their requirements then be there for them.
AS they say, there are many many pretty girls in their country, so why not?
Good luck to all.
Firstly I am 48 years old, never married. My life upto now has been orientated around my interests but I have reached the stage when I would like a female companion. Reaising that English ladies of my age are a dead loss,I am flying out to Thailand in 10 days, having approached one of the introduction agencies.
The lady I am most interested in is one year younger than me, i.e. 47. Now I know the ages here may seem unusual, but I have my reasons. What is paramount to me is not sex but companionship, and I think I am more likely to get that from someone my own age. Furthermore, as she is older, I expect she is more likely to have the old traits of caring and loyalty. Also, at her age, I expect she is less likely to divorce me because who else is she going to find.
Next month I shall be in Thailand for 3 weeks. If she is the right woman, then I shall go back again in April for another fortnight. Then, if she is happy, I will ask her to come to the UK for a few months, so that we can check each other out. Also she can experience my culture and climate, most specifically the cold. I will then require her to sign a pre-nup, drawn up by friends of mine who are both lawyers. If at any point, any of that is not agreed to by her, then no wedding. If need be, I am quite happy to return solely to my interests. My home is paid for, I have savings and a company pension and therefore safeguarding things as much as I can.
I would appreciate people’s thoughts and comments.
@Neil It sounds as if you’ve done your homework and have a plan. Maybe not the most romantic of ways to go about getting a wife, but you’re looking for companionship and someone whose company you’ll enjoy so I see nothing wrong with that. Choosing to search within your age range is a good idea too, there will be enough cultural differences to work out so why introduce age based differences as well if you don’t have to. Good luck and enjoy your visit to Thailand. I’d love to hear how it all pans out.
Thai girls “want” older western men only because they don’t have lot’s of energy left. They don’t run away and they don’t have energy to boom boom. That’s why it’s a good deal for some thai girls, they get the money and they need to do almost nothing for it. It’s like they are nurses who inherit their patience’s.
Thai girls don’t want “butterflies”, meaning young, active men. Older men need less care, they stay at home while thai girl can do what she wants and after a little while men dies and the girl gets the money.
One thai girl told me this is her goal. She also asked me to find old western man for her. Of course I did not.
She didn’t like older men, she just thought it as a business.
Although most of the thai girls don’t know that it’s not this easy in most of the cases.
I meant the girls who are not entirely respectable (not gogo bar girls though)
Mark, seem you had not so good experience with thai girl before
, not all of thai girl just look for money at least me. I am looking for love.
Hope you can meet a thai girl who has wonderful heart then you we be happyest guy.
Pass
I think that anyone who is ‘looking for someone to marry’ is going to get what they’re looking for. Someone to marry. You can’t choose your life partner by ticking off a list.
Where can I go to find a nice Thai wife? The whole thing is just a recipe for disaster!
It’s not like buying a car or a house but if you want to treat it like that then you’ll end up with a bought commodity not a partner.
And btw butterfly is not a young active man, a butterfly flies from one beautiful flower to the next beautiful flower, and the next, and the next. So it’s someone who can’t stay faithful to one woman. Unsurprising that it’s not a popular trait really.
I think if you’re treating a potential marriage like some kind of campaign to be planned out, strategised and completed in stages then you’re very unlikely to find love, or happiness.
It’s hardly surprising that there are so many stories about ‘all she wanted was my money’ when all you wanted was all your boxes ticked!
@Bifftastic – The whole thing is most certainly not a recipe for disaster and I think you’ll find that the Western world’s idea of romantic love is nothing more than a made up fairy tale meant to sell books, greeting cards and now movies. Throughout history many (most?) marriages were made not for love, but for such things as security, both physical and economic, status and fidelity. This is true not just in Asia, but throughout the world. Genetically men are programed to spread their DNA (butterflies) and women are programmed to protect their offspring. Not a very popular idea in our politically correct liberalized society I know, but do some research and you might find that it’s true, as much as Western society tries to say differently.
Oh and aren’t such U.S. based sites like Chemistry.com and Match.com nothing more than match making services where you tick off a list to narrow down your potential mates?