Thai Parents Views on Foreign Husbands
December 30, 2007
Question: I assume it would be natural for Thai parents to have some legitimate concerns about a foreign guy marrying their daughter. Can you provide your insight about this?
Answer: I want to preface my answer by saying that Golf has read it and agrees with me.
The above dowry and family support answers also apply to your question regarding parent’s views of foreign husbands. Of course the parents are concerned for their daughters and the intentions and ability of the foreigner to take care of her. They also consider Europeans and Americans to be rich, which we are in terms of the typical Thai lifestyle. Of course they are rich in other ways in my opinion, but that’s another topic entirely.
I think once you meet the parents and they see that you and your Thai girlfriend love each other much of their concern will be gone. Add to that a little bit of generosity so they see that you can take care of their daughter and her kids and you’ll be fine.
My mother-in-law hovers over me and takes care of me like a mother hen when we visit. And this is even though she speaks no English and I speak very limited
I really don’t think that the parents are much of a concern in most cases although I have heard stories of parents telling their daughter she is not allowed to marry with someone (Thai or foreigner) and the daughter will follow their wishes. In many cases this is because the parents have already arranged a marriage for their daughter which is not something you need to worry about.
If you really want her parents on your side make your trip to
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Thai-Farang Marriages - Do I have to Support the Whole Family?
December 30, 2007
Question: My USAF friend who married a Thai woman once told me “when you marry a Thai, you wind up supporting all of her relatives back home”. What’s the reality?
Answer:
Golf and I still do that to send money to her parents and sister. When you are married to a Thai woman you are married to her whole family. Some take it farther than others including aunts, uncles, and cousins.
As far as Golf is concerned we help her parents and occasionally her sister. For her parents it is maybe 10,000-20,000 Bt every few months and about the same for her sister. Really though when you think about it her sister is in grad school so I don’t think it’s much difference than here. Although usually it is the parents helping the student here in the
The thing is that for Thai culture it is the daughter’s responsibility to care for her parents and to take care of their needs especially as they get older. Keep this in perspective though. Like I said we send maybe 10,000 a month total and as you know that is a monthly salary for a Thai woman in
In the provinces cost are about 50% of what they are in
What I’m trying to say is that it is good and expected that you help the family, but you have to understand what is enough and set some limits. I was lucky in that Golf pretty much set the limits and in fact it is money from her salary that she now sends for her family.
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The Thai Dowry or Sin Sot - How Much is Enough?
December 30, 2007
Question: The concept of dowry in Thailand is really wild! I have read much groaning about this, however I am a realist. I don’t know if I like it or not, but I must smile and deal with it. But, how is the amount settled upon?
Answer:
Touching on the Thai dowry question…it is a bit of a sticky question and although it is a bit of an old fashioned concept (and not really Thai, but imported from the Chinese) it is still expected that some dowry (or sin sot as it is known in Thai) is paid.
A bit of historical perspective…the idea of sin sot came about because of the before mentioned cultural trait of daughters caring for the parents. In a traditional Thai family the daughter lives with her parents and works on their farm until she gets married. Remember that even today
Today the dowry is used mostly as a way of showing how rich the husband is and how well he will be able to take care of his new bride. If you’ve read anything about the idea of “face” in Thai culture you’ll understand that the dowry today is a way for the family to gain face in the community.
That being said, again it is necessary to understand what is necessary and what is too much. Also understand that with the rise of a more middle class Thai culture many parents choose to give the dowry money back to their daughter after the wedding and in fact it is traditional for the parents to give the gold to the daughter (dowry is typically ½ cash and ½ gold).
The amount of dowry is usually negotiated with the family (usually the mother or grandmother) by the grooms’ best friend. Of course that won’t work in your case and the negotiations would be carried out by your Thai girlfriend with input from you of course.
In the provinces the typical dowry is between 50,000 and 100,000 Bt in a Thai-Thai wedding although I know some of Golf’s friends are in the 200,000-300,000 Bt range. Keep in mind that 50-100% of this money is going back to the couple after the wedding.
Also, during the Thai wedding ceremony all of the guests come up to congratulate the couple and they hand them an envelope with cash in it. In the case of our marriage I paid 200,000 for the dowry (1/2 cash ½ gold). We got all of the gold back after the wedding, but gave her parents the money from the guests’ envelopes (~100,000 Bt) and also the 100,000 in cash to help pay for the wedding costs.
Use your common sense and don’t pay more than you can afford and certainly not more than what a yearly salary would be for your new Thai family in the provinces of
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Income for Women in Thailand
December 29, 2007
This is the first in a series of posts answering questions that were posed to me by an American man who met a Thai girl on a Thai internet dating site. Hopefully these will be of help to others in the same or a similar situation.
Question: I asked about my Thai girlfriend’s work and learned that she works a 40 hour week. But I think she said her income was 10,000 Baht per month. That seems impossibly low to me. Can this be true?
Answer: Yes 10,000 Bt a month is a typical salary for many jobs in
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Beware Multiple Simultaneous On-line Involvements with Thai Ladies
December 29, 2007
Here’s a warning from one of my readers who has just ventured into the waters of online dating with Thai women. I think he is right that this is elementary and easily avoidable. It is also especially important when chatting with Thai ladies as they can be EXTREMELY jealous. If you don’t believe me then take a look at this article from the Taipei Times which describes how Thailand has become the world center for penis re-attachment surgery because of Thai wives penchant for cutting it off in the face of infidelity.
“This sounds elementary and easily avoidable, but it is easy for a newbie to find himself in a sticky situation. My story is probably typical. Shortly after I met my Thai girlfriend, another woman contacted me from Loei. I answered her inquiry, and politely told her in the first few sentences that I was already talking with a woman in Bangkok, and that she should not regard me as a potential husband, although I would be happy to chat. So we began to exchange music files and photos of our regions. My friend in Loei wished me good luck with the lady in Bangkok.
About ten days later, my Thai girlfriend asked if I had talked with many other Thai women online. I explained that yes, I had contacted or been contacted by many women. She seemed alarmed by this, but I assured her that she was the only one I was seriously talking with now. She asked if I continue to talk with any of these women, and I told her of my penpal friend in Loei, and about my interest in Lao music. However, this did not seem to sit well with my Thai girlfriend. I told her that my friend in Loei had been clearly advised of my non-availability. I asked what should I do, and I believe her exact words were “you can do whatever you want to do”. Here in the USA, we men know that this phrase can sometimes be woman-speak for “stop immediately”. (Here in Thailand it means pretty much the same thing!)
The lady in Loei has been very friendly, and I do enjoy the chats. Recently I made clear to her that I enjoyed her company, and shortly thereafter I began to receive emails and chats now containing hearts, flowers, kisses, and some statements of love interest. That’s great, sure I appreciate the attention, yes she is a great woman, I enjoy her friendship, but a problem is brewing here.
So, at minimum, I will probably need to send the Thai lady in Loei a letter translated into Thai in order to clear this up with her. In reality, I may need to terminate the penpal relationship to avoid problems with either woman. This would be too bad, since I really enjoy the friendship. In truth, I would consider her a viable possibility if, for some reason, my current Thai girlfriend does not work out. But, since I’m honest and strictly monogamous, I certainly do not wish to appear otherwise, and above all I absolutely do not want to be the cause of hurt feelings through misunderstanding. So, as you can see, I have encountered a “slippery slope” here.”
Yes, it does look like you’ve encountered a “slippery slope”, but at least you’ve run into it early and you are respectful of your girlfriends feelings. It is so common for Thai men to have a mistress or leave their wives for another woman that Thai women are very jealous and suspicious of ANY other woman that shows interest in her man. Thai women know very well how the male brain works and how easy we are to seduce.
I had the same problem early in my relationship with Golf, however when the truth came out she was talking to other guys on Thai Love Links during our early chats as well so we figured “no harm no foul” and we were both even. Of course when you’re in the realm of internet dating it’s not unusual for people to hedge their bets at least initially.
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